Can we agree that no one should touch us if we don't want them to? This is a vital lesson all our children need to learn. Many parents teach their kids at a very young age that if they don't want to be touched, people need to respect that. And guess what? That means everyone. Sorry Auntie Aunt — if a kid doesn't want to hug you, that's their business. Another kid? Sorry, nope.
A mom on Reddit is concerned about a related issue in her daughter's classroom. The little girl is experiencing unwanted hugging from a classmate, and the mom wants it to stop. She visited Reddit's AITA forum asking if it was wrong for her to make a stink about the situation with her daughter's teacher.
The little girl is only 6.
Kids — especially younger ones — sometimes have difficulty speaking up and advocating for themselves. The original poster's daughter, however, is not one of those kids. First, she told her teacher, and when that didn't help, she told her mom that a boy in her class keeps hugging her and that she wants it to stop.
Good for her for voicing what she wants.
The boy is being pretty aggressive.
OP's daughter has said repeatedly that she doesn't want this kid hugging her, but he isn't getting the hint.
"She has told him multiple times she does not want to, yet he holds on to her. She has told the teacher, yet he keeps doing it," OP explained.
So the teacher knows about it and isn't stepping in? That's a huge red flag.
OP and her husband are big on bodily autonomy.
OP made it very clear that she and her husband are raising their kids to respect their bodies and to make sure that others respect them too.
"That their bodies are their bodies, and if they do not want to hug someone they don't have to. We do this as a safety precaution so they grow up knowing that no one has the right to touch them in any way that the do not want," she wrote.
Smart parents. Kids need to know this stuff.
OP reached out to the teacher.
Because the hugging was happening at school, OP went to her daughter's teacher to address the situation. Things didn't go the way that she had hoped, though. The teacher agreed that she would work on getting the boy to leave her daughter alone "but caught an attitude about it."
OP feels like the teacher was judging her like she was some horrible person for not wanting an innocent kid to show affection.
"I explained that while I completely understand his intentions are good, it does not triumph my daughters right to refuse to hug someone," she contested.
Now the teacher is acting coldly, and OP is wondering if she crossed a line.
Teachers on Reddit were all in on this one.
Even if he is trying to be friendly, this boy needs to know that unwanted touching of any kind is not OK. Some teachers in the crowd agreed.
"NTA. I'm in education and we teach kids need to keep their hands and bodies to themselves. Not only to prevent hitting, kicking, etc. but also unwanted hugging or other physical contact," one person commented.
Another person suggested that OP go to a higher-up because the teacher needs to face a little discipline if she allows this in her classroom. "NTA OP — as a parent and former teacher, you need to loop admin in on the problem. It is not OK for kids of any age to force unwanted affection on other students," the person wrote. "Admin needs to make that clear to the teacher and have a record of your complaint."
The teacher failed in a teaching moment, according to one educator. "The teacher in me is so sad this learning opportunity wasn't seized by the teacher," the person's comment reads. "Such a perfect opportunity to teach a kid about boundaries and asking permission, which after the isolation we've had will be CRITICAL. This is some of these kids first times in their memory interacting with kids their own age."
OP is totally in the right to stand up for her daughter.
There were plenty of Redditors who thought that OP was doing nothing wrong. Her very young daughter came to her for help, and that is pretty courageous at 6 years old.
"Keep up the good work despite how others react. Your daughter's comfort, safety, and trust in you to keep her safe is greater than the approval of others," someone commented.
Others also agreed that OP was doing a great job as a mom.
"NTA it is good that you are teaching your daughter that she is allowed to reject unwanted psychical contact," someone else wrote. "Good for you and your husband you taught her that. Besides that, if this behavior continues contact school administration."
"Good for you for standing up for your daughter, and the teacher should be ashamed. Go to the principal if it doesn't stop," reads another comment.
This boy needs to learn a lesson.
Yes, he is a young kid, but he needs to know that his actions are not OK. Even when well-intentioned, touching someone when they say no is not acceptable.
"NTA — You never know whether this hugging at aged 6 could lead to other behavior as they get older. i think its great that you're teaching your daughter that she can have boundaries and not have anyone touch her without consent," one Redditor commented.
Another person has seen this kind of thing firsthand.
"A young boy in my family / friend group also had to learn you couldn't hug everyone whenever he wanted when he was that age. It was a bit sad because he also meant well, but it's similar to t[e]aching kids not to squeeze animals or be rough with smaller kids, even out of affection," the person wrote. "NOT teaching him would've been a disservice to him, as well the other kid who felt uncomfortable."
Redditors sure don't like the teacher.
People really believed the teacher was doing all of her students a disservice. This woman has a classroom of kids watching. What is she teaching them?
"The teacher needs to stop being a quack, she's conditioning your daughter to sacrifice her own feelings for others when the little boy needs to be taught boundaries," one person wrote. "Imagine if they were 24 years old — would the teacher think it was rude of your daughter to be upset? No, she would probably think the boy was overstepping boundaries, because he is."
"If a kid would have done that in my elementary school, they would have been told about it and stopped right away," someone else chimed in. "And my hometown is VERY 'old-fashioned' and behind the times, even! What is this teacher's deal?"
Someone pointed out that maybe the teacher is just ignoring it for her own benefit. "This. Also creates a record in case the teacher does nothing or lies about it. Teacher is likely cold because she does not want to get in trouble for letting it continue," the person wrote.
OP, you win.
Redditors resoundingly agree that you are teaching your daughter all the right things. The fact that she gets it at 6 bodes well for her as she grows. She did what we hope most parents teach their children to do: go to an adult for help when they can't handle a situation themselves.
Giving your daughter the empowerment to know that her body is her own and that no one can do anything to that body that she doesn't want them to is among the best things you can do for her.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
