Instilling a positive body image in our kids is so important. As parents, we want our children to understand that their worth has nothing to do with their weight. Sadly, we live in a world where many people place great importance on physical appearance, and some adults will make kids feel bad if they don't look a certain way. We hope that our own family members wouldn't do that, but sometimes, they do.
A woman who grew up "chubby," had issues with her mother constantly criticizing her. Now that she has a daughter, she thought the child would be safe from her grandmother's harsh words, but it appears that's not the case. She posted in Reddit's AITA forum asking if she was wrong for cutting her mother off.
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The original poster's mother doesn't hold back.
OP wrote that her mother was critical of her appearance while she was growing up and always let her know. When OP had her daughter, Mia, she hoped her mother would soften. Mia, 9, adores her grandmother and she and her brother, Liam, stayed with their grandma for the weekend. When OP picked them up, she could tell something was wrong.
"She was clearly embarrassed, but eventually, she started to bawl and told me what had happened. Apparently, that afternoon they had gone out for ice cream. Mia tried to order a cone with 2 scoops, but my mother stopped her and changed her order to a single scoop in a cup. When Liam ordered a cone with 2 scoops, my mother didn't say a word. When Mia asked why Liam got a cone and not her, my mother told her it was because she's fat and needs to lose weight or nobody will find her attractive. I was livid," she wrote.
OP confronted her mother.
Initially, her mother said she was overreacting and "projecting" something Mia heard elsewhere. OP decided to talk with her daughter again.
"I told her that if my mother ever says anything like that to her again, to tell me right away. She started crying again, and told me that not only was this not the first time something like this happened, but also that my mother told Mia not to tell me because I'm fat and she wouldn't want to be like me. I called my mom again, and told her everything Mia told me. All she said was, 'Well was I wrong? You are fat,'" she explained. OP hung up and has gone no contact. Is she overreacting?
Redditors were appalled by what they read.
Many felt that OP's mother was way out of line.
"Your mother is wholly in the wrong for making fat shaming, unhealthy comments to your daughter that could foster an ED, as well as for showing (sexist) preferential treatment by only directing those comments toward your daughter and letting her brother eat more than her," someone wrote. "And she certainly should not be restricting your daughter's diet."
Another person agreed, commenting: "As someone who did not know about a grandparent saying similar things to my child, and them enduring YEARS of eating disorder treatment as a result (including hospital stays, tube feeding and heart issues). No communication is the ONLY correct response to your mother."
Some feared the long-term effects on Mia's mental health.
Eating disorders are real, and they are dangerous. Some felt OP's mom was doing serious damage.
One comment reads: "NTA. I once read somewhere in Reddit 'Eating disorders aren't genetic, but they are inherited.' Keep your daughter away from your mother. She is determined to perpetuate this cycle you have worked so hard to stop."
One person loved OP's reaction and wrote: "NTA, and good for you! People have different body types. As a dancer, she needs fuel. My 9 year old is a twig, (shes never had much fat on her even as a baby), and my 7-year-old is a normal sized girl. I've had to head off comments and issues with other people comparing my kids. They are healthy and happy. If someone tried fat shaming my youngest, I'd be livid."
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OP is definitely not in the wrong.
The consensus was that OP’s mom is the jerk and Mia is her victim.
One person had a suggestion for what to do in the future. "Make a doctor's appointment." the person wrote. "Give a heads up to doctor and his staff before the appointment and the impact mom's comments had on you. Ask doctor to talk about her weight in a positive way (unless daughter is actually morbidly obese, which I doubt- in which case doc should talk to mom without child present). Let her hear from a medical professional she is fine. Repeat with son IN FRONT OF DAUGHTER, so she knows doc is equally satisfied and the conversation is normal for both genders!"
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