Being a mom comes with all kinds of challenges, no matter who you and your kids are. But if you've grown up with all the limitations that can sometimes be placed on girls and women and end up with a daughter of your own, it can become especially important to want to raise her in a way that helps her be strong enough to stand up to what society might be telling her she needs to be.
Recently, we asked moms what the one thing they'd want their daughters to know is. The answers vary widely, from how they hope she views and treats her body to how they hope she treats other people. But these moms all have one thing in common: They want the best for their daughters in a world that isn't always fair to them.
After all, all moms want their kids to benefit from their mistakes so they don't have to make them, too (and deal with all the fallout that comes with it). Our kids won't always listen to everything we say — in fact, in our personal experience, this almost never actually happens, but we still have to try!
Love Yourself First
"The love she has for herself will be more important for her in the long run than the love anyone else can give her. It will take time and work to nurture and grow that love, but it will be the best thing she can do. But I will also always love and cherish her, too." — Hannah P.
What Really Matters
"I want her to consistently remind herself of the phrase 'in the course of a lifetime, what will it matter?' Use this phrase to judge whether what’s bothering her is worth the heartache. If it won’t matter 10, 20, 30 years from now, it’s not worth occupying her mind now. I routinely use this phrase to avoid unnecessary anxiety as best as I can and I wish someone had shared it with me when I was younger." — Ashley T.
The Truth About Sex
"Virginity is a social construct that is used to chastise women. You are not bad or unclean because you had or have sex. Sex should be a consensual and pleasurable experience for everyone." — Anonymous
Protect Your Peace
Here's a lesson that's even more beneficial the earlier we learn it:
"I want her to know that no matter what she should protect her peace and happiness at all costs, and to send back all that positivity into the world." — Ashley D.
Don't Shrink
It's OK to let others shine — but not only others.
"Don’t make yourself small for someone else at the expense of your own well-being. Temporary smallness to let someone you love shine is OK, but don’t let it fundamentally change who you are." — Jessica M.
Only She Sets Her Worth
Not even her parents can tell her how much she's worth — and when she figures it out, she should stick to it.
"Her worth is set by herself and no one else. Not us. Not romantic partners. Not anyone but her. That and she can wear a tutu over her hockey uniform." — Alïcia G.
You're the Only You
"Her worth as a one of a kind human being is never contingent on her achievements, work, appearance, weight, others’ opinions, etc., … she is innately enough. There will never be another her to walk on this Earth and that is a miracle in itself. I hope she embraces every day of her life with purpose and a mission and never spends her time and energy apologizing for being here, being herself, taking up space." — Sabrina A.
Be Yourself
"That she should unapologetically be herself and she is enough just the way she is. That I will always be a soft place for her to land when she is hurting or lost or scared, that my love for her is unconditional, and nothing she does or chooses will ever make me love her less." — Ryan R.
Some Stuff Just Doesn't Matter
"One thing my mom always told me that I never believed until adulthood is a lot of s— you put effort into won’t matter. Were you popular in high school? Who cares! Did you have a boyfriend as a teen or were you a late bloomer? Doesn’t matter! I worried so much about that stuff when I was young, and now I realize I spent so much mental anguish for things that didn’t matter. I hope I can help my future daughter realize that it’s much more important to prioritize kindness, hard work, and loyalty to those who love you for you." — Holly G.
It's OK to Be Girly
"That being feminine isn’t a bad thing or mean that you are weak. Doing anything 'like a girl' isn’t an insult. Women are strong, capable, and worth much more than we are given credit for." — Kerri L.
Girls are strong, after all.
Take Good Care of Yourself
"Love yourself, which includes your body and mind and soul. Please take care of the body through movement and rest and enrich the mind by always learning and learning to be better, see the value in your soul and every soul here. And don't be a mean girl." — Krista R.
Make Everything Fall Into Place
"I want her to know that if you do something you enjoy every day, surround yourself with people you care about, and look for little opportunities for kindness, most everything else will fall into place. These are the important things so don’t let life pass you by while you worry and wish your days away." — Kelly C.
Relationship Challenges
Not all relationships will be easy, but the ones worth keeping in the long run won't be the toxic ones.
"Relationships (including friendships) take work, but they shouldn't leave you feeling drained." — Nancy Hall
She Can Be Whoever She Wants to Be
Being a girl doesn't have to mean that certain doors are closed to her.
"Sounds cliché, but she can do anything she wants to do and not to get discouraged because of her gender. If she wants to be a petroleum engineer or a wrestler, so be it!" — Hazel K.
Society's Box
"There will be pressure for you to fit in a certain box (re: beauty standards, relationships, interests, roles) but you are allowed to take up space in more than one. You can be many things at one time, as long as it makes you happy." — Kristina B.
Standards of Beauty
"That standards of beauty change every decade and reek highly of bulls—." — Gina G.
After all, many of us have learned firsthand that it's almost never worth risking your eyebrows to keep up with a beauty trend that's destined to pass sooner rather than later.
