Parent Wonders If Son’s Hand-Drawn Valentine’s Day Cards Will Offend His Black Classmates

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As people attempt to convince others that they’re not racist, they’ll say things like “I don’t see color.” People of color have been saying for years that such sentiments are problematic. There’s nothing wrong with seeing color and acknowledging someone’s differences.

In fact, the American Psychological Association found that children as young as 9 months old begin to categorize people based on skin color. From infancy, we notice skin tone. One 5-year-old boy’s distinction in his classmates’ skin colors had his parent a little concerned. So they took to Reddit for advice.

A 5-year-old decided to hand-draw his Valentine's Day cards instead of buying them.

In the post, the parent explained that his 5-year-old son, who’s in pre-K, decided that instead of buying valentines from the store, he was going to hand-draw one for each of his classmates. His parents thought it was a lovely idea. The problem arose though when he started illustrating his classmates of color.

“The black students in his class are being drawn and filled in with black marker. He’s 5 and he’s innocent,” the original poster wrote. “He’s just drawing what he sees.” Still, his parents had questions.

The OP wondered if this meant they should talk about race.

“We asked him about skin color and different people and he’s never expressed anything other than, ‘some people have different skin color,’” the parent explained on Reddit. Still, the OP wondered if their son’s behavior warranted further conversation.

“My wife and I don’t know if we should use this as an opportunity to talk about race or whether we are overreacting,” he wrote. “I just don’t want some little boy or girl in his class feeling bad because of his Valentine. I also don’t want to take something innocent and naïve and ruin it for my son by assigning our view to it.”

The Reddit community offered a simple solution.

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The OP then asked the Reddit community what they would do in the situation. While the Reddit community understood this dad’s concerns, many people offered a very simple solution.

“Go buy the Crayola skin color set at Walmart,” one user wrote. Several other people echoed that thought.

Another parent warned the OP not to assign anything extra to his son’s choices. “… our tone isn’t something to be hidden or viewed as sensitive. Just as how someone is tall, has blue eyes or has round cheeks, our skin is just that — what we look like.”

Some users said Black children might feel bothered by the illustrations.

A teacher chimed in to say that 70% of her Black students use dark brown to color themselves. She told the OP that their son likely chose black because that’s what he’s seen or that’s how he’s heard his classmates described. Others suggested that the OP take the opportunity to tell his son that Black people are not literally Black but various shades of brown. They suggested the OP offer his son the choice of re-doing those illustrations so that none of the children feel othered.

Thankfully, we live in a more inclusive world today.

The OP responded to several commenters saying that he did indeed buy his son the skin color set. His son told the OP that they have that same set at school. So he was familiar. He likely just chose black due to lack of coloring options and associating his classmates with that term.

Thankfully, we live in a more inclusive era. As a Black child, I was keenly aware of my brown skin tone. But my mother also instructed me that if brown was not available to use the black crayon.

While it was not entirely accurate, being seen as literally black was not offensive. Still, I understand that may not be the case for every Black person. The OP did the right thing buying skin tone crayons and letting his son create his personalized cards. It's an option many of us wish we had growing up and are glad our own children do now.