Communities of color have long questioned whether transracial adoptions are handled ethically. After all, there is a long history of white people taking in children of color with the intent to exploit them for labor, erase their culture, and in the worse cases, to abuse them, like in the case of Devonte Hart.
Recently, a father went to TikTok to specifically ask the Black community about styling his newborn daughter’s hair. While the question may have seemed well-intentioned, Black folks were quick to let this man know his video was a red flag.
More from CafeMom: Influencer Kendall Mariah on the Joys & Challenges of Adopting Transracially
'I am hoping to get this over to Black TikTok,' Will said.
A TikTok user who goes by the name Will.Powerrr, has since deleted a video of himself (and his entire account) brushing his newborn daughter’s hair while simultaneously asking Black people on TikTok how to do her hair. “I am hoping to get this TikTok over to Black TikTok,” Will began.
“Any Black parents, we have adopted a Black baby. Her name is Zoe and I don’t know what to do with her hair,” he says. Will held up a soft bristle brush and said he had a Shea Moisture product. “So Black parents or anyone who knows how to do Black children’s hair, please help me in the comments,” he continued.
'Your Black baby should not be your first Black friend,' Franchesca Ramsey said.
It wasn’t long before Will’s inquiry made its rounds to the Black people he was seeking. And they gave him a lot more than hair care advice. TV writer, producer, host, and longtime respected voice on the internet, Franchesca Ramsey offered her take.
There were some who felt Will’s question was innocent and shouldn’t have been met with backlash. “God forbid he ask Black people for advice,” one TikTok user wrote sarcastically. Ramsey responded in kind. “God forbid this man pick up a book,” she began. “God forbid this man build a community with Black people off the internet in order to help him raise this child.”
She suggested Will join a support group for transracial adoptive parents. Ramsey said that while there is nothing wrong with asking questions, “Your Black baby should not be your first Black friend.”
Bri, a Black adoptee, said the video was performative.
Later, a Black adoptee, Bri, chimed in saying the entire video felt performative. Furthermore, Bri, who goes by @gojosrealbm on TikTok, said Will’s comment section presented another issue. There were Black people expressing concern. In response, white people were scolding them, saying they should be “grateful” Will even asked the question.
“Where are you checking the white people in your comments?” Bri asked. “You have a Black daughter now so you need to be able to check microaggressions.”
Mericolaaa said Will's question reminded her of slavery.
TikTok user Mericolaaa, another Black adoptee, said Will’s request harkened back to a dark time. “It literally blows my mind that white people can get on this platform and ask Black people how to take care of their kids,” she began. “I really just reminds me of slavery. Black people were forced to take care of white people kids. And probably didn’t have not one f— clue of how to take care of those kids. But guess what? They figured it the f— out.”
Mericolaaa couldn’t understand why Will didn’t do any research beforehand. She questioned why a caseworker gave Will and his partner a baby when they didn’t know how to take care of something as simple as her hair.
One of the main problems being, at this point, his baby’s hair isn’t at all that different from any baby’s curly hair, regardless of race. It feels like he’s been waiting to ask this question publicly since he decided he was open to adopting a baby. Performative? Yes.
Another problem? He seems detached. He’s handling her like a doll, not a human. And an even bigger issue is that he’s putting the responsibility on Black people — strangers at that — to solve a problem he’s having with a Black baby he voluntarily adopted. Just … no.
'You have a few months to become an antiracist,' a white woman who specializes in respectful child care commented.
Later, Mary, a white woman who specializes in respectful child care, offered Will some overall parenting advice, including how to properly and gently hold the child entrusted to his care.
“This is the make it or break it time. You have a few months to become an antiracist if you even want to pass as a barely acceptable parent to this person,” Mary commented.
She offered a quick lesson for free. “We do not ask for, much less demand free labor, emotional or otherwise, from Black women.” She told Will he could have simply Googled the answers to his questions. “Lesson No. 2, we do not exploit a Black child’s existence, and as she gets older, free labor for our own benefit and financial gain.”
“You can also DM if you need lessons on newborns. Lesson No. 1, they have two soft spots at the top of their head, where their skull is not formed yet. Stop f—ing manhandling her like that.”
According to Ramsey, a caseworker did contact Will and his partner. Apparently, the conversation was productive and Will, who had already begun reviewing baby products, agreed to keep Zoe off the internet. Will has a lot of work to do. We hope, for Zoe’s sake, that he takes it seriously.
