Parents with more than one child can verify that despite being raised in the same house, each kid is their own person wholly. No one knows this better than parents of adult children who've watched them grow and flourish into whoever it is their kids ended up being.
Unfortunately, sometimes parents play into their natural differences that results in them being treated differently, and that's exactly what one boomer couple is considering doing with their two very different kids.
Though the couple says they are perfectly fine, they are getting their affairs together just in case.
When considering their affairs and how they want them handled, the mom wrote in a post on Reddit, they are focusing on their children "Lily" and "Matt's" vast differences to come to a decision.
Out of the two, Lily is considered the more "stable" one.
"Lily is independent, she has not needed me much after age 10 or so," the mom noted. "She is very intelligent, holds multiple degrees and is a pediatric neuropsychologist. She is married to 'George' (37M), an engineer. Together they are very well off. They do not have children, although they could afford to. Lily's reasoning is that the planet may not be sustainable in the future, and that technology/social climate make raising mentally healthy children difficult.
"I believe her job puts her in contact with families/children in difficult situations, which has skewed her perspective because growing up she always wanted children," she continued. "She has asked that my husband and I shift our perspective of 'family.' To be fair, she visits and calls us often, and even reminds her younger brother of our birthdays and anniversary."
Matt, on the other hand, has always struggled overall.
"Matt has always needed me to help him pull it all together," she added. "He had dyslexia in school and barely managed to graduate college after 6 years. We are so proud he did! He works in the tourism industry and his work is somewhat seasonal. He has been in a relationship with 'Heidi' (31f) who is an artist that sells some items online. Even combined, they make a fraction of what his sister and brother in law do.
"Matt and Heidi are also 'childfree' and claim to hate kids, but we feel this is best because it would be difficult for them to support children and their lifestyle is less stable (frequently move apartments)," she explained.
That is why they are being ... judicious about their final wishes.
"We are planning on leaving 75% of our assets to Matt and the remaining 25% to our godson’s two children," she wrote.
"Our reasoning is that Lily does not need the money, and her brother could really benefit from it and our godson’s children are the closest we have to grandchildren. However, Lily will be made the executor of the will, and asked to carry out plans for our funerals as she is much more organized and keeps in contact with family members, whereas our son does not."
After she revealed those plans to her sister who was visiting, her sister put in her two cents and did not hold back.
"She was outraged on Lily’s behalf and asked why we hate our daughter," she wrote. "We don't?! I just would like to support people who could actually use it. My sister asked if it would be different if Lily had children even though the children wouldn’t need money either considering Lily and George’s income. I admitted yes it would be different and divided in half if that was the case.
"She also said it was time to stop babying Matt, and that he made his own choices in life," she continued. "I asked her to leave since she just doesn’t understand, and on the way out she begged me to think this over before telling Lily and Matt or making it official."
So now she wants to know: Is it wrong of them to divide their assets this way?
People agreed with the sister: She should really, really reconsider.
"Making her the executor and not leaving anything to her is a huge middle finger," wrote one reader. "Your son has not achieved much because he struggled through school with dyslexia — guess what? That is no excuse. You have babied him, there are many people who aren't book smart but make something out of their life anyway. It isn't even about the money. It's as if you are punishing your daughter for not needing you since age 10! If you were my parents and you did that to me, I'd be heartbroken."
Others warned her that their final act would have huge repercussions.
"You know what Lily will take from this? That your final act is to once again dump the work on her as you smooth things over with Matt," another person wrote. "I promise their relationship will never recover; 40% to Lily, 40% to Matt, 20% to your godsons."
Here's to hoping these two take a long look at what how they want to leave things to and with their children.
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