Before becoming a parent, you don’t even realize the amount of privacy that you have. You take for granted going to the bathroom alone. You can step away whenever you need to without little voices screaming after you. We are taught the concept of privacy early on, without the realization that becoming parents essentially forfeits all rights to your own space. It is an important thing to teach kids, even though you don’t get any as a mom. I did not realize how quickly my sense of privacy would disappear and how much I accepted, for the most part, how I wouldn't be getting it back for quite some time.
The reality of it begins with pregnancy. When we get pregnant, every aspect of our lives changes. The body that solely belonged to us is literally shared and becomes visibly more noticeable. We endure gynecology appointments and ultrasounds and the probing and prodding that comes with both. It becomes part of our life — relative strangers looking into our body. We justify it because they're doctors and we want to make sure our babies are safe and healthy. What we don't realize is that this is really just the beginning of the end when it comes to the concept of having true privacy.
From the labor that involved eyes looking at us in our rawest forms to the probing glances of strangers while we breastfeed, we're truly on display.
Breastfeeding is perfectly natural, and soon, it doesn't faze us to do it in front of others. Although we cover up more in front of certain people, feeding our baby is the most important thing. It's really more for their comfort than for ours. I found this feeling especially with my dad and my in-laws. I would cover up as best as I could, but I wasn't going to sacrifice our comfy spot on the couch.
Breastfeeding in public for the first time was a different thing. I felt like I had to hide the first time, but I breastfed in the middle of a Starbucks the second time.
Not only does our actual privacy dissipate, but our care for it starts to dwindle too.
Once our kids become mobile, the last shred of our concept of privacy goes out the window.
Kids have absolutely no regard for personal space. They love you so completely that they want to be near you the entire time. It doesn't matter whether you're pooping, showering, or just need a breather; they follow you. It doesn't even bug you most of the time, except when it does.
My son is not great at letting me have a minute to myself, even when I desperately need one. He will jump at me and be all over me. Sometimes I step outside where he can’t follow because he can’t fully use doorknobs yet, to take a deep breath and calm down.
There are some days it can be a lot.
In truth, I've learned that the lack of privacy has its perks. Having a conversation with a toddler while in the shower is a small price to pay for knowing where he is.
At least I know they're not fighting with their siblings or drawing on the walls. At least they're not screaming and trying to open a closed door to fall down a flight of basement steps. Besides that, toddlers are pretty amusing conversationalists. I find it much less stressful just to let them follow me in for the majority of the day.
I do, however, insist on one instance of privacy, and it is the first time I head to the bathroom in the morning.
Even though my toddler still wants to follow me in, I send him downstairs with his dad. I need to maintain this one instance of privacy to think and prepare for the day, both physically and mentally. He can follow me all he wants the rest of the day as long as I get this one time to myself.
Just know that they do stop following us around at some point.
It comes on its own as they get older. My daughter no longer follows me around. She lets me have my space when I need it. Regaining your privacy means the bittersweet end of toddlerhood.
And mama, it will be bittersweet, because while you may get an uninterrupted shower, you will no longer be the center of your baby's world.
