Becoming a parent can come with a lot of different emotions. While welcoming a baby into the world can be exciting, it can also come with fear or uncertainty. When one woman learned that her sister-in-law was struggling with parenthood after welcoming twins, she wondered if her SIL might be dealing with postpartum depression.
In reality, the woman’s SIL and her husband decided that they truly did not want to be parents and ended up putting their twins up for adoption.
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The woman's SIL was 'stressed' when she found out she was pregnant with twins.
The woman wrote into an advice column about the situation involving her sister-in-law. She explained that her SIL never really expressed a strong interest in becoming a parent, so when she found out she was pregnant with twins, she was “definitely stressed.”
The woman and her husband, meanwhile, always wanted three or four kids. The woman experienced complications during her first two pregnancies, so began exploring adoption as an option after giving birth to two children.
One night, the woman and her husband babysat for the SIL.
About six weeks after the woman’s SIL welcomed her twins, the SIL and her husband had a wedding to go to. They stayed with the woman and her husband, who agreed to watch the twins while the SIL and her husband were at the wedding.
At around 11 p.m., the SIL and her husband sent a text saying they were still out drinking and having fun. They asked the woman and her husband if they’d mind “if they just got a hotel room” for the night, leaving the woman and her husband to watch their babies.
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The woman and her husband were totally OK with watching the babies — but they were surprised when they didn't hear from the SIL.
The woman noted that she and her husband had absolutely no issue watching the twins for the night. However, when they couldn’t reach the SIL the next day, they were understandably a bit concerned. The woman’s husband decided to call them at 3 p.m. since they hadn’t returned or responded to any texts.
From the conversation, the woman and her husband learned the reason why the SIL and her husband were MIA: “They’d decided to take advantage of sleeping in, had brunch then had a few shops they wanted to check out, and thought it was a nice break from the babies.”
After some time to themselves, they realized they missed their childfree days.
Perhaps that weekend was a wakeup call for the SIL and her husband because two weeks later, they asked the woman and her husband if they wanted to adopt their twins. They explained that “having twins was significantly more difficult than either of them had imagined and they were really missing their previous life and the ability to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted,” the woman wrote.
This revelation caught the woman and her husband off guard.
Before making a decision, they spent about a month going to counseling sessions and discussing it in more detail. The woman noted that she “went to the obstetrician with my SIL to discuss the possibility of postpartum depression affecting everything.”
But the SIL and her husband ultimately decided they didn’t want to be parents and gave up their parental rights. The woman and her husband adopted the twins.
Now, the woman doesn't know how to have a relationship with her SIL.
For the SIL and her husband, this kinship adoption made sense because, “they could continue to see them and be involved in (the kids’) lives.”
But after going through this process, the woman doesn’t know how to navigate her relationship with her SIL and brother-in-law. “I lost all respect for them when they basically admitted that their kids were an inconvenience they wanted to be rid of,” she wrote.
While adopting the babies made the woman and her husband feel like their family was finally complete, the woman still can’t shake how “bizarre” the situation is. She says the rest of the family seems unfazed by it.
The advice columnist said the woman and her husband might face more 'drama' in the future.
Responding to the OP’s concerns, the advice columnist agreed that the situation was “bizarre” and suggested seeking support from a therapist and support groups. “While I hope everyone can exude love and grace around these children and their adoption, I worry that this inauspicious start might signal more drama and discomfort to come,” the columnist responded.
When it comes to sharing details about the adoption with the twins, the columnist told the OP that she should do a lot of research and seek out support. In the end, as the legal parents of the twins, she and her husband should determine how to navigate it “no matter who else in the family has what opinion.”
