I was married for almost two decades and I always got along with my in-laws. I mean, we weren’t super tight and I never called them out of the blue to catch up, or just talk but when I saw them, it was tolerable and for the most part, we had fun.
But I was always more than ready to leave them and get back to my life. I always felt like staying at their house, having them come to our house, or going away with them was slightly harder than doing all those things with other people. It’s true that a company can get stale after a few days, and my in-laws always sped up that process for me.
After all, I was married to their son — their youngest son — and he could do no wrong.
I was the mother to their grandchildren and the person in charge (in their eyes) of making their son happy and doing my wifely duties. While they never came out and said that, there were always the passive-aggressive comments about how things have changed since they had kids, how much easier they had it because their kids were easy and my mother-in-law did the wifely duties and my father-in-law worked all day. Whatever that means.
So, I guess you could say my in-laws were OK. They loved me, they accepted me, and I realize it could have been a lot worse.
These days, I hear it from all my married friends — their in-laws are coming and they dread it. Their mother-in-law is too overbearing. Their husband’s parents never come around, help with anything, or seem to care about what they are up to.
It seems like no matter what the situation is, in-laws are hard on most people.
Since my divorce, I’ve had some dark days.
I’ve had times when I miss my ex and I question our choices about ending our marriage. I’ve had nights when my kids are with him and it feels like my insides have come out of my body and I can’t catch my breath. I’ve missed what we once had, even though I know deep down this was probably the best for everyone in our family.
Dealing with my own parents and my kids is enough.
I like having my freedom on the holidays without feeling obligated to go here or there. I like not feeling like I have to live up to someone’s else’s ideals about me.
I know living up to others' expectations is something we do to ourselves, but it’s really hard not to do it where your in-laws are concerned. That’s because you usually end up hearing about it, or you and your spouse somehow feel the tension when something happens to upset them.
I’ve been with my current partner for two years, but we aren’t married.
We’ve set the tone that his parents are his deal, and my parents are my deal and damn, it feels good. I’m sure part of that is because we both have kids with other people and that definitely takes the pressure off.
We also don’t live together so when his parents come over and I’ve had enough I can go home and he can do the same. It’s really hard to come into a family and feel like you are an outsider in some ways, even if you are very welcomed. You realize you aren’t just invested in their son or daughter but you are also invested in them and you have to play for a long time. I feel like marriage leads to an expectation that you need to be even more committed to your spouse’s family.
If you ask me, one of the pros of getting a divorce is not having to deal with in-laws.
I realize this isn’t the case for everyone — some are close with their in-laws — but for me, not having in-laws feels good. Really good. I know this is one of those things you aren't really supposed to say out loud, but admit it: If you are married I’m sure you’ve at least thought about ditching the in-law weight more than a few times.
