Few things are more devastating in life than losing a partner. The heartache is only magnified when children are involved. Being a single parent is one of the most demanding jobs, and millions bravely face this challenge every day. We would love to believe that society would champion single parents and try to help them, but we know that isn't always true. Instead, the world is filled with people who feel entitled to give their opinions about how others live their lives, and the things they say can be downright appalling.
A mother of two lost her fiancé just days before their planned wedding, and even though she now lives with the grief of losing the love of her life, she puts on a brave face for their children. Her kids are biracial, which evidently makes some people feel entitled to comment on them. The mother recently posted in Reddit's AITA forum about an encounter while at a farmer's market pumpkin patch that left her feeling unsettled. Should she let people make snide, racist comments about her family, or should she have the right to speak up for herself? She is conflicted and, frankly, sad.
Her fiancé died a year ago.
The original poster explains that she is 26 and the mother to a 4-year-old daughter and an 8-month-old son. She and her children's father were engaged to be married, but he died a week before the wedding. Life hasn't been the same since.
"I was pregnant with our son at the time, and the loss was absolutely devastating. It's been nearly a year and it still feels like it was just yesterday," she wrote in her post.
Her children are biracial.
OP said the children's father was Black, and she is "very much not." The couple used to joke that her genes weren't very strong as their daughter looked just like his sister. When their son was born, he looked just like his father.
"I've gotten looks from people before, and occasionally someone will just randomly ask when I adopted them, but usually people mind their business," she explained.
OP has kept some of their traditions alive.
OP and her fiancé loved to take their daughter to the farmer's market to shop on the weekends. She has continued that tradition and recently took her children to go and pick pumpkins there. OP and another woman struck up a friendly conversation while their kids' were making their selections, but things got awkward fast.
"She and I started talking, and she pointed to my engagement ring asking if I wore it so that people wouldn't make assumptions. I asked her to elaborate on that, and she said that she's never seen me with the kids' dad before so she figured that I was a single parent but I wore a ring so that people wouldn't think that," OP explained. "Then she added that it probably didn't help that my kids were Black and I wasn't, since 'that stereotype is so common.'"
Uh, what?
OP was hurt by those words.
OP paused for a second, thinking it was "an insane thing to say to a stranger." She continued that her fiancé would have been with them in a heartbeat, but he had died.
Although she didn't need to explain herself, she did, telling the stranger, "'I wear the ring because he died before I ever got to be his wife.' She got pretty quiet and looked visibly pale, but by then my daughter had picked the pumpkin she wanted so I paid and we left without saying anything else to her."
Her sister thinks she overreacted.
OP told her sister about what happened, and she disagreed with OP's reaction. She said the woman was out of line, but there was no need to embarrass her. The woman was a stranger, and although she should have kept her mouth shut, her sister thinks OP didn't need to take it that step further.
"Honestly, I've been an emotional wreck for the past year now so I have no clue if I genuinely went overboard with this or not," OP shared.
Redditors blame this on ignorance.
Redditors were quick to defend OP and the fact that she did nothing wrong. Her living situation is no one's business, and the woman at the farmer's market had no right to comment.
"NTA you explained the situation to the wom[a]n. You can't fix ignorance without telling her," a person wrote.
"Her gross ignorance was only surpassed by her audacity. All you did was speak the truth, not that it was her business," someone else commented. "You did not go overboard and you are NTA. If anything, maybe she'll keep her mouth shut to the next person. So sorry for your loss."
To be fair, if you are going to make such a bold statement, you have to be ready for a comeback, right?
"NTA. I'm sorry for both your loss and that you had to deal with this kind of ignorance. Maybe telling this woman the truth will make her reconsider her prejudices and be a better person in future," another Redditor explained. "You did not embarass her, she embarrassed herself when she exposed her bigotry, and that is nobody's business to carry and reflect upon but her own, and especially not yours when you were the target of her hurtful assumptions."
This wasn't just a rude comment â it was downright racist.
It was not lost on Reddit that this woman's words were charged with racism. This wasn't just a little observation: She made some horrifying assumptions.
"Who actually let's something like that out of their mouth???? Absolutely NTA," one commenter observed. "She deserved to hear that she was completely wrong, and deserved to be embarrassed. What a racist and unkind assumption to make about someone you don't even know. Let's normalize making racists uncomfortable."
People don't get how anyone would have the audacity to say such things.
"Nta at all!! Sounds like she was trying to embarrass you, who the hell says something like that to a stranger??" one person wrote. "Or even at all?? She just walked up to you and decided to be racist?"
"NTA commenting or asking about a strangers relationship status is a bad idea. It's especially bad if you're only doing it because you're a curious busybody," someone else pointed out. "It's even more especially bad if you're being a curious, busybody, racist a–hole. I hope she learned a lesson. I'm so sorry for your loss mama. Good on you for continuing the traditions."
What is the deal with OP's sister?
Why is OP's sister trying to protect a racist?
"Your sister is right: she made an ignorant comment. I don't know when that somehow became even remotely acceptable to people like your sister, but I absolutely do not share in that in the slightest," one commenter noted. "No, you are NTA, and you never will be for calling out ignorance. People like that need to learn that their ignorance is something they should be ashamed of."
"Tell your sister that some of us feel Like she was unfair for running her mouth when she didn't know your circumstances," another person wrote.
"NTA. Your sister sounds like one though. Did she want you to just let this woman stereotype your recently deceased SO? F— that and f— that lady," someone else suggested.
OP, you are doing a great job.
OP, your loss is tremendous, and no one has the right to try and diminish that. You had a life planned, and it was ripped away from you. It doesn't matter what you and your fiancĂ© looked like â your children are a product of your love for one another.
Continue to raise your children to know they are loved and that the color of their skin, or anyone else's, doesn't matter. Never, ever let anyone make you feel bad for standing up for your family. You've got this, mama, and we are all rooting for you!
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