My mom didn’t teach me much about self-care as a young girl. She was too busy being a mom of six kids. Back in the '80s, moms were either all about self-care (I remember the Jane Fonda workouts and the blue eye shadow with hot pants) or they had no time for it at all.
My mom was mostly of the latter camp and her daily beauty routine consisted of rolling out of bed, after staying up all night feeding one of her youngest children, and getting a whole lot of children off to school each morning. Then she cleaned the house, wrangled more babies, ran some errands, picked kids up from school, cooked some dinner and before you knew it, it was time to wrangle six kids to bed. This is what I saw.
I remember being about 12 and begging to shave my legs.
It was not allowed. I never saw my mom luxuriously soaking in a bubble bath, or do any kind of skin routine, SPF was not in her vocabulary and her hair was always clean and brushed but there was no hairdresser involved in the making of my mom. It wasn’t until I was about 17 that I could even convince her to let me bleach my girl 'stache and experiment with lip gloss. Yep, I was that kid.
I knew, from way back then, that this is not the story I wanted my girls to live.
I love being a mom, but I wanted them to make themselves a priority in their own lives. I don’t want them to feel shame for caring about their appearances, being comfortable in their own skin, and loving their bodies. I never want them to feel like they have to sacrifice themselves for the people they love. I made it my mission to make myself a priority.
As soon as I left for college, I started getting massages, professional waxes, highlighted my hair, and kept my nails done.
I’ve never been outside without my huge Gucci sunglasses since I was about 21 and SPF and moisturizing are my jams. I’m all about hydration, drinking water, steaming my face, and the care and upkeep of my mind, body, and soul. That is what my girls see. It’s more than just superficial self-care. I teach my girls to embrace their feelings, not be afraid of being imperfect, and encourage them to talk things out and ask questions.
I have taught my girls since they were old enough to understand that beauty is pain (at the very least effort) but worth it.
It’s not a selfish thing to take care of yourself, your needs, and your relaxation. Since the girls were little, we’ve had at home spa and relaxation days, we’ve gotten manicures and pedicures, we exercise, eat healthy and, since the pandemic, the girls are seeing a therapist.
I encourage the girls to chase their dreams and pursue their own happiness.
I want my girls to know life is too short to not take care of yourself and be the most important person in your own life. This is something it took me years to learn because what I saw was self-sacrifice and giving your all for the people you love. Obviously, I love my mom and appreciate everything she did for us, but I want to set a different example for my girls and to break that cycle of self-sacrifice.
