Having teens can be a real challenge. You try to respect their space and give them autonomy, but at the same time, you have to keep them safe. It’s a constant back and forth we go through, both in front of our teens and behind closed doors. Social media only exacerbates an already stressful time.
So many bad things can happen when teens use social media, it’s scary. One mom recently discovered her teen daughter using social media, even though she wasn’t supposed to. Now, she’s concerned that she’s failed as a parent.
The mom noticed that something was off with her daughter, who’s recently turned 13.
The mom took her fears to Reddit, revealing that her newly minted teen had recently begun “acting strange.” Some of those behaviors include spending more time in her room, especially with the door closed, and less time in the living room.
Late one night, the mom heard her daughter in the kitchen and decided to see what she was up to. “I saw she was talking to someone on her iPad,” the mom wrote, adding that her daughter isn’t allowed to have social media or a phone.
The mom then asked who the teen was talking to. Her daughter “got very nervous said her bestie and we had a ‘tug of war’ over her ipad. I wanted to see her friend but she kept moving it away from me,” she said. The teen was reprimanded for not turning over the device and apologized before going to bed.
When she decided to take a look at the girl’s iPad, she was not prepared for what she found.
First, the teen was using social media, having downloaded Instagram, despite her mom’s rules. She had posted a picture of a vape on her account, and was exchanging “very sexual messages” with a boy. If that wasn’t enough, she also had a conversation with a friend, telling them that she had performed oral sex on a boy from their school. “I am at a loss for words, beyond hurt, disappointed and concerned,” the mom wrote.
She went on to explain that her daughter doesn’t have much alone time, and she’s “usually always with her.” The girl is also not allowed to go to sleepovers, but mom would allow a friend to sleep at their house. “I feel like I’ve been strict but not too strict,” she shared, saying she didn’t know what to do next.
Commenters offered compassion and many helpful suggestions.
All of the subjects mentioned are ones that often cause a lot of strong feelings. But people were level-headed, offering sound advice for the mom.
“Maybe start by just sitting down and talking and telling her you know she is getting older and ready for more responsibilities and trust but acting the way she has is not the way to get it,” one person suggested. “It’s a two way street and if she can behave and be responsible then you can start giving her more trust and liberties like letting her stay the night at friends place and talk late to her friends but if takes advantage of that trust she will lose privileges.”
Another person wrote: “I think a good heart to heart with her where you make her feel more comfortable talking to you about things would be best. Let her know you understand that she’s growing up and changing and you want to be there to support her and keep her safe without stifling her individuality.”
“It’s about finding the right balance,” someone else commented. “If she is keeping secrets then she thinks she will be in trouble. So you need to give her confidence that you won’t go bananas.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
