Mom life is even harder than usual in 2020. The unimaginable is happening to all of us. Everyone's on edge with no village to rescue any of us. Our kids are going feral and we can't even get a hug from our own moms or commiserate with our mom friends.
Add to that the fact that everyone is a lot more judgy and a lot less kind to one another in the middle of a holiday season like no other, and it’s lonelier and more difficult for all of us this season. We asked some harried moms the last things they want to hear someone say to them this year, and they were spot on.
"It could be worse."
Oh really, Becky? Of course, life could be worse — but it could also be better right now. There could be no pandemic. Saying, "It could be worse" is condescending and marginalizes the feelings of those feeling overwhelmed. It's dismissive. Keep it in.
"Count your blessings instead of stressing."
Even the most optimistic among us are losing the will to always see the bright side at this point. Counting blessings back in April was a thing, but in November, enthusiasm is waning. Stressing is still a valid feeling.
“If you’re scared, just stay home.”
This may be the most condescending thing anyone can say. Some people have elderly parents and/or kids with underlying conditions. When others refuse to wear their masks, and cases are skyrocketing, of course, we're scared — and that's OK and totally valid.
"We've been thriving during all this."
Oh, really? How nice that must be. Well, some of us moms are still on the struggle bus, or worse, the bus has left a long time ago and now we're trudging through miles of snow just to make it to the other side.
“Have you considered the social impacts of keeping your kid home from school?”
Uh, yeah, we have. Everyone's doing their best for their families. So don't judge another mom until you've been in her shoes. What's right for one person isn't right for another. End of story.
"You'll miss this all someday!"
Granted the optimism is refreshing, but that's a hard no for most of us. Most people will not miss being chronically exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared during a year like 2020. Nostalgia might make everyone wish for quarantine time in 20 years when the kids are grown and flown but not today, Satan.
“Everyone is doing the best they can."
Are they, though? Some are doing their best but, according to social media, a whole lot of people are doing whatever they want, so don't try to convince us otherwise.
"This too shall pass."
Yes, everything passes eventually, but simplifying peoples feelings during 2020 to clichés like this is just plain rude. It's OK to want it to be over, but wishing it away doesn't make it so.
"Next year will be better."
When did everyone become amateur fortune tellers? They're not good at it. Almost nine months of our "new normal" proves that wishing for better doesn't make it so.
"Have you tried meditating?"
While this might be helpful to get mentally centered, meditating cannot end a super contagious virus. This is also along the lines of all the self-care articles out there — since when do moms with all their kids at home 24/7 have time to go meditate?
"I don't see why your house isn't clean when you have all this extra time at home!"
This is obviously said by someone who's just seeking a way out of this year — permanently. Maybe murder by mom? Never say this to a mom. Either this year or the next 20. Ever.
"Just adapt."
Also, anything that starts with "at least" such as "At least you had a healthy baby." News flash: Everyone is trying to adapt. But the situation keeps changing, it's hard to keep up. While a healthy baby is a miracle, being trapped indoors all day every day with a healthy crying baby is not.
"At least your kids are XX years old."
Nope, it doesn't matter the age. Kids trapped inside, virtual learning and wearing masks are feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts. It’s hard for every mom and kid, no matter their age. 2020 isn't a contest to see who suffered the most.
"Everyone’s in the same boat."
That's a definite no. Some people are in yachts while others are in paddle boats. Everyone's in the same ocean during the same hurricane, but the boats are very different.
"Stop living in fear."
Science and medicine tell us that this virus is real and deadly and moms have a right to be afraid. Not everyone feels the same, and that's fine, but don't minimize another person's feelings by dismissing her concerns.
