Dress codes are becoming more common in the US. Many schools have them, and some are more extreme than others. And unfortunately, they often seem to target girls and seem to sexualize them.
Things like spaghetti straps are deemed "too distracting" for the classroom and are banned. But what if a young child unintentionally violates the dress code with her straps? One TikTok mom is blasting her daughter's school and how it handled a situation with what a first grader's was wearing. It is appalling, and she says it's also illegal.
The first grader wasn't allowed to finish her lunch.
TikToker @thisisharlie, posted a video of her and her daughter discussing an incident that occurred at school. The girl explains to her mom that she was removed from lunch because "The teacher said that my straps were inappropriate." The girl explains that she was removed from the cafeteria and taken to the nurse's office. She never even got to "finish my bag of Cheetos." Just hearing that little voice will tear you up!
Harlie is heartbroken and explains to her daughter that from now on, she needs to tell the school to call her if there is an issue with what she is wearing.
Harlie was unaware of the dress code.
In a follow-up video, Harlie said that she was unaware of the dress code and apologized for her daughter wearing the wrong thing. She explained that the top isn't the problem, but rather how the school chose to handle the situation. Things with the school got ugly.
"They tried to tell me she was lying about being pulled out of lunch," she said. "Then another teacher said she was pulled out of lunch. And then they were trying to lie abut how long she was out of lunch. And then they blamed her for walking too slow." Harlie says she believes her daughter and knows she isn't lying.
The school needs to understand the issue.
Harlie explained that she will continue to let her daughter dress the way that makes her comfortable and that if the school has an issue, someone needs to talk to her and not "shame" her daughter or pull her out of lunch. She alleges that the school responded, "Well, your answer to this is to pull her out of academics?"
Harlie said that is exactly what she intends to do. "If a teacher is too distracted by a 7-year-old's shoulders to continue teaching, I do not want her in that classroom," she said.
She added, "If your solution is to starve her and shame her in front of her friends, yeah, I'm going to come pick her up because I'm not raising a good student, I'm not raising a good worker, I'm raising a good person."
Harlie sought legal advice after the incident.
Because the school denied her daughter food and did not contact Harlie about the violation, she spoke with a lawyer to see if what the school did was legal. She found out quickly that it wasn't. She said that although she initially thought she was overreacting, now Harlie knows she isn't.
"I got advice, damn good advice, on what to do. And it really felt like I wasn't alone making this choice for her. Thank you guys," she said.
TikTokers overwhelmingly support Harlie.
The original video has nearly 900,000 views. Commenters are confused about the situation and why it was handled the way that it was.
"So they didn't know the straps were inappropriate until she was sitting down to eat lunch," one person commented. "Why didn't they say something as soon as she walked in?"
And why is a young child being subjected to such a harsh punishment? "First grade!?" another commenter questions. "We are already doing this to little girls in the first grade!? What teacher did this…they need to be on a list!"
"The fact that her straps were a bigger priority to them than feeding her speaks volumes!" noted another. "I'd be up there talking to EVERYONE."
Harlie's daughter is getting a fresh start.
Harlie plans to move her daughter to a different school. She is working with a legal team and hasn't released any more information about the school or the situation, but she is not giving up her fight. She believes dress codes are inherently wrong, and she wants change.
"I have a very personal, strong bias against dress codes," she said. "I think that they are wrong. I think that they are sexist. I think they discriminate against other religions, other nationalities, and other races. And I hate them."
