Most days, I wake up to the words "Hey mom." I will hear that same phrase various times throughout the day. Sometimes they come out on repeat in a never-ending loop. Sometimes they are urgent, warranting my immediate attention. They can be before the words "I love you" as easily as they could be ahead of "I'm not gonna talk to you any more!"
I'll be honest, by the time it hits about mid-morningish, I'm ready to fake an illness and hop in the car so I can go scream in the Target parking lot for three minutes.
Recently I began wondering if this was a, well ... normal reaction.
Assuming you know I don't mean I'd literally abandon my family over being frustrated, I did genuinely wonder if my annoyance level was absurdly high.
Afterall, he is only 3. His vocabulary (while impressive) isn't so robust it doesn't warrant a few repeats. Perhaps I was being overly sensitive and truly blowing it out of proportion.
I turned to my husband to bring me back to reality. To my suprise, he thought I was totally in the right to be as annoyed as I was.
"No dude," he said matter-of-factly. "That kiddo is constantly saying your name. He even says it a few times after you acknowledged you're listening. It's nuts."
I turned to my group text for further confirmation.
There are four of us, including myself, in this group text. It's composed of my lifelong friends who are also moms of two or more children.
They pretty much unanimously confirmed that they hear the words "Hey mom" (or some variation of it) many, many times a day.
"It's got to be at least, like, 100 a day, right?" I asked.
At least, they confirmed. After all, that Stewie meme clipped from Family Guy of him repeating "Mommy, mom, mama" over and over again didn't come from nowhere. I felt the OK to be a little gentler to myself.
However, the confirmation prompted me to wonder: How many times does he say it a day?
So my petty ass bought myself a $7 tally counter and I made a commitment to count just exactly how many times he called my name out in a day.
To give you all a better understanding of the proximity I am to my child in a day, I work from home full time and split my day with my husband. That means that I work with my son in the room for half the day and then get to retreat for a few hours for uninterrupted work. Basically, it is inherently stressful, but not without help. Also, it is important to keep in mind that I currently only have one child.
So, it is here I ask you all to acknowledge my privilege along with me, and then do me the honor of indulging me in my rantings anyway.
I began my "Mom Day" at 6:15 a.m. By 6:24 a.m. he called for me 17 times.
The reasons, tones, and inflections were all different contexts, but that is how many times my son said "Hey mom" or "Mommy" in nine minutes. He averaged a 1.9 "Hey mom" per minute in that time frame.
And y'all, the day didn't slow down there. Oh nay, nay. It exploded.
By the time I was able to sneak into the basement to bang out some work, I was up to 256.
My frazzled hair and the puffy eyes are all completely warranted. Coincidentally, the day I chose to count his "moms," he was in full turd mode.
When I sat down and looked at that number an hour or two into working, I nearly fell out of my chair. I snapped the pic at 3:05 p.m., meaning really by around 1 p.m. he said it that much.
I'm just gonna go ahead and say that being diverted 256 times before the day is even remotely close to ending would be maddening for anyone.
The real reason I think I chose to torture myself with this realization was to validate that what I and so many other parents accomplish in a day is truly a feat of wonder.
In between all of those "Hey moms" I worked, cooked, played, comforted, cuddled, cleaned, ran errands, showered, ate, and more. All while constantly being at least mentally diverted more than 250 times thus far.
When moms complain about the mental load, this is what we're talking about. We mean that although we love being with our kids and pride ourselves in being their source for everything, it is still emotionally and physically taxing to be needed so deeply. Sucumbing to those feelings of stress and anxiety now and then is completely normal.
I am so grateful to be a mom. I am so thankful he is verbal and I'm lucky enough to hear his sweet voice. Even though the time together on work days is stressful, it's ultimately such a gift that I get to be this close to him.
All of those things are true, but I am still allowed to be wiped by the end of the day and weary from the constant demand to be on … as are you.
By the time I had sung him to sleep and left his room by 8:27 p.m., I finished the day at 330.
Now imagine what it's like for those with multiple kids at home. For parents who don't have spousal support. For folks who don't work or break away. It's insanely overwhelming to even think about.
So what non-parents can take away from this is: If you see a mom or dad at the end of their long day, just know that they accomplished a mountain of tasks with possibly more than 330 individual distractions. Be kind to them.
And for parents who feel like they are going crazy, I promise you're not. Your kid really is being that intense, and it's OK to be frustrated by it. Be kind to yourself. You honestly deserve it.