We’ve all been there. You’re juggling homework help, sports practice pickups, and dinner that someone always complains about — while trying to answer work emails or fold the laundry that’s been sitting for days. One more eye roll, one more “Ugh, Mom!” and suddenly … you snap. The patience runs out, and you’re left staring at the wall, wondering, Did I really just lose it like that?
If you’ve had a mommy meltdown — whether it looked like yelling, crying, shutting down, or storming off to your room (because yes, moms need timeouts, too) — you’re in good company.
The truth? Meltdowns don’t make you a bad mom. They make you a real one. And knowing how to recover from those moments with intention and compassion for yourself is a skill every parent can learn. No matter how much you love your kids, sometimes it all just feels like too much.
CafeMom spoke with Alyssa Campbell, an emotional development expert, Founder and CEO of Seed & Sew and author of the upcoming book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings, to learn her expert tips on how to deal with mommy meltdowns in the moment and ways to melt down better.
From calming your nervous system to repairing the moment with your child, these gentle strategies will help you bounce back, feel better, and ditch the shame spiral. Because every mom deserves support , not judgment.
Why Meltdowns Are Common Among Moms
Alyssa says that meltdowns are common among moms because we’re human and often running on empty.
“Most moms today are parenting without a village, juggling caregiving, careers, partnerships, mental load, and their own emotional histories — all while trying to raise emotionally intelligent kids in a complex world. That’s a nervous system under constant pressure,” Alyssa tells CafeMom.
She explains that meltdowns happen when our nervous system says, “I’m done.” They’re not failures — they’re signals. And when we view them through that lens, with compassion instead of shame, we can start responding instead of spiraling.
How To Regulate Your Nervous System Right After a Meltdown
We asked Alyssa what the first thing a mom should do after breaking down so she can regulate her nervous system.
“First, pause and breathe. Give your nervous system space to shift from dysregulation into safety. Even two minutes of silence, a hand on your heart, or splashing water on your face can signal to your body that it’s OK now,” advises Alyssa.
How To Talk to Your Kids About What Happened
Most of us want to pretend nothing happened and go back to normal. However, talking to our kids about feelings can help them develop better emotional regulation skills. Parents who model healthy emotional management skills help set the example for their children.
So how can you talk to your kids about what happened without shaming yourself or confusing them? Alyssa says that if your child was present during your meltdown, it’s important to repair, but not with shame.
Talking to your kids about your meltdown models emotional ownership, not guilt. You’re showing your child that we all get overwhelmed, and that repair is always possible. That’s the foundation of secure attachment — not never messing up, but always coming back together.
She suggests saying the following:
“That was a really hard moment. I was having some big feelings, and my body got overwhelmed. That wasn’t your fault, and I’m working on staying calm when I feel that way. You’re safe with me.”
How We Can 'Melt Down Better'
ll We asked Alyssa for her expert strategies on how to “melt down better.”
“Meltdowns will happen, [but] the goal isn’t perfection. It’s less rupture, more repair, and less harm when rupture happens,” advises Alyssa.
It’s impossible to prevent our emotions from spilling over, but here are Alyssa’s strategies to ensure that it doesn’t harm the relationship with our child:
- Narrate what’s happening in real time: “I’m noticing I’m getting really frustrated. I need a moment to calm my body.” This teaches your child that even strong feelings can be noticed and navigated.
- Use a physical signal or mantra to interrupt the spiral: Whether it’s stepping into another room, placing a hand on your heart, or repeating “I’m safe, they’re safe,” give your nervous system a moment to reorient.
- Repair as soon as you’re able: Even if your voice got sharp or your energy felt big, coming back to say, “I didn’t handle that how I wanted to” is incredibly powerful.
- Build in decompression rituals throughout your day: Many meltdowns come from chronic dysregulation. You might need your own version of “snack and snuggle” after school drop-off . Try a walk, music, silence, or five minutes alone.
“Remember, your meltdown doesn’t have to define the moment — the repair does. You’re modeling what it looks like to be a regulated, emotionally aware adult who’s still growing — and that’s exactly what our kids need,” Alyssa shares with CafeMom.
If you’re having meltdowns more frequently, finding it hard to recover from them, or they’ve begun impacting the relationship with your child, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Talking to a therapist or counselor can offer a safe space to unpack what’s going on beneath the surface. You will learn new coping tools, and get the support you deserve.
Caring for your mental health isn’t just good for you — it’s a powerful way to care for your family, too. Reaching out for help is never a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you’re ready to grow, heal, and thrive.
