Blended families aren’t easy, but one woman never imagined that her husband would have a long lost 15-year-old daughter who is hearing impaired. Her husband really wants their family to learn American Sign Language to welcome the teen into their family, but is the mom has a clear answer: No. Now, she wants to know if it's really so wrong for feeling stretched too thin to take on the task?
The 30-something woman has been married to her 40-something husband for about a year.
When they married, she believed her husband had no kids, while the original poster had two kids of her own.
“As it happens though, it turns out [husband whose initial is] B actually does have a daughter [whose initial is] M,” she wrote in her Reddit post. “Her mom did not tell B about her pregnancy and ultimately moved states, so he had no idea until she reached out on FB.”
They had their doubts at first, but it turned out that B was M’s biological father.
M and her mother recently moved to their state to be closer to B and now she comes to visit on weekends and holidays.
“Usually this is just between the two of them, but sometimes she will come to the house and has even slept over a few times,” she wrote.
“Here's my dilemma,” she wrote. “M is hearing impaired.”
The teen almost exclusively uses ASL to communicate and the OP’s husband has been trying to learn sign language to connect to her.
“The last time M was here he pitched to me the idea of us learning ASL as a family,” she recalled.
The OP isn’t really into the idea.
“The truth is that I really don't know if that is worth the effort,” she explained. “M is present at our house maybe once a month.”
Not only that, but the OP works 48 hours a week and has two kids.
“I would consider it if she were going to be over more often,” she explained. “I just don't have time for something like this.”
She argued that she already speaks three languages — "one of which was [learned] in adulthood and it was very difficult for me even fifteen years ago." So she feels like she “just can't fit something like that into my life.”
She did tell her husband that she’d be willing to encourage her kids to learn ASL if they want to.
But they seem to be showing no interest.
“The kids don't want to since I'm not and now B thinks I'm being ridiculous since I have no other way of communicating with M,” she wrote. “I told him we can work something out but he didn't want to hear it honestly.”
“M also thinks I should learn some basic signs but between work and kids even that would be a struggle. AITA for not wanting to learn sign language?” she asked.
Many people in the comments section thought the OP was being selfish.
"[You're the A–hole]," one commenter told her. "One of the biggest ones I have seen on here. Like Top 3. You might be even a bigger a-hole than the dude who showed up to his ex-girlfriend’s mom’s funeral (that he wasn’t invited to) with a new girlfriend."
"My mom taught me the alphabet and a handful of basic signs in ASL in maybe 10 minutes," someone else commented. "It takes very little effort to learn the basics and that is necessary for when the stepdaughter is staying with them. What if there's an accident or emergency? OP will be unable to communicate, because she's selfish and reckless."
While a third commenter put it this way: "So you’re doing everything you can to make her not feel welcome in your family!"
A few people understood the OP's feelings.
"[Not the A–hole] You already have two young kids and working a lot," wrote one commenter. "She’s 15, if she was younger I’d be more inclined to think more effort is needed. But especially since you’re not seeing her often you’re not really a step mom to her anyway."
"I’m gonna play devils advocate here; [Not the A–hole]," another person wrote. "I’m hearing impaired (partially deaf) and I would never force ASL to anyone. Ultimately is OP’s decision if she wants to learn it or not; we don’t know her situation or how much spare time she has. OP sit down w/ Significant Other and discuss your reasons not to learn it, and sit down w/ children and explain why they should; after that, is their decision to learn it or not."
"[Not the A–hole]," a third person chimed in. "You don't owe her anything."
The OP might want to consider putting herself in her stepdaughter's shoes. How would she feel if she were hearing impaired and trying to connect with her long lost dad? A few phrases and letters in ASL shouldn't be too hard of a task.
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