Unless you’ve lived it, it’s hard to understand the specific pain of having a miscarriage. People who’ve experienced them mourn not only the loss of the baby, but some feel as if their body has betrayed them. Others grieve the life they thought they might live. In addition to grappling with the loss, there are constant reminders.
People who’ve had miscarriages have to watch as everyone else is able to bring children into the world. Babies are everywhere. One woman who’d suffered several miscarriages had to confront this fact of life during a recent dinner with her friend. She went to Reddit to ask if she handled the situation properly.
A woman told Reddit about her fertility struggles.
In a since-deleted post the woman wrote that she has had two miscarriages, with her last one taking place in January. “My husband and I have been back and forth to the fertility doctors,” she explained. “I finally got out of a deep depression and we are navigating our new life of fertility.”
Just as the original poster was beginning to feel a little bit better, life dealt her another blow. During dinner, the OP’s friend of over 20 years, told her and another friend (Friend B) that she is pregnant.
The OP thought the whole thing was insensitive.
The OP said that she kind of blurted it out. “I look up at her and notice her phone in our faces recording us. I felt absolutely sick,” she said, recalling the moment. Friend B, who knows of the OP’s fertility struggles, was also stunned by the display. In an attempt not to be rude, the OP said, “‘Oh wow. I had a feeling.’ I was grasping for straws because I was being recorded and felt tears coming,” she wrote.
Thankfully, Friend B took over the conversation. “I was sickened that she recorded me knowing she was blindsiding me. We spent the rest of the night listening to her talk about her pregnancy. Not ONCE did she ask how I was doing.”
The pregnant friend said ‘true friends are happy for you regardless …’
After dinner and the three women parted ways, Friend B told the OP that pregnant friend texted her this: “I had so much fun tonight! I hope L [OP] understands. I was nervous to tell her but I didn’t want to wait until another time since idk when I would see her again. I am soo excited!!!! But I do hope she is ok!”
Friend B told pregnant friend that she shouldn’t have recorded the OP’s reaction. Pregnant friend said “true friends are happy for you regardless.” The OP wanted to know if she was wrong for feeling blindsided by her pregnant friend’s decision to record and her less than enthusiastic reaction to her pregnancy announcement.
The Reddit community agreed this could have been handled more kindly.
The people of Reddit were on her side. A user who has had four miscarriages shared her thoughts. “If you google search ‘how to tell my friend who is going through infertility that I am pregnant’, the first thing that pops up is to tell them via text so that they can process it,” she began. Then she validated the OP’s reaction. “It’s not that you aren’t happy for them! It’s that you are fucking wrecked about yourself. And you should NOT feel bad for feeling the way that you do.”
Some people encouraged the OP to be happy for her friend.
Others commended the OP for her restraint and suggested that she reevaluate this friendship, but some Reddit users were torn.
“On the other end, though, I do think you should be happy for her,” another user advised. “But I understand how even that could be a struggle. Glad the other girls stuck up for you. Try to be happy for your friend though.”
Most people sympathized with the OP and even argued that it was the pregnant friend who should feel bad.
“You tried to hold it together despite the overwhelming emotions she forced upon you,” another user wrote. “If anything, she owes YOU an apology. She’s allowed to be excited, I get it, but a real friend wouldn’t prioritize a social-media-worthy reaction over the emotional well-being of someone she claims to care about.”
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
