Say you're a dad, and you and your daughter's mom broke up. You adhere to your custody agreement and pay child support on time. Your daughter loves you and wants to spend time with you. It's not lost on you that your ex will always be in your life, so you remain cordial with her to keep the peace. You think you're a pretty ideal co-parent. But, well … your ex has a different opinion. Sounds like a tough situation.
A man visited Reddit's AITA forum with this exact scenario. Life is good, and he lives comfortably. His 9-year-old daughter stays with him often, so he has things she enjoys at his home, like games and a pool. Suddenly, his ex is involved with a new guy, and their daughter isn't comfortable around him and wants to stay with the original poster even more.
Now, he's being accused of buying her love and spoiling her, so she won't want to be with her mom and boyfriend. OP thinks this is crazy and went to Reddit for some unbiased opinions.
OP and his daughter have a nice life together.
OP and his little girl have a great relationship. He takes good care of her but doesn't feel that he's overindulgent. But he does have the means to do some fun extra things, so he does.
"I don't do anything ridiculous like buy her a pony or make large purchases without consulting her mother," he wrote. "But we go to fun events and I've taken her to Disneyland. I've taken her to see animals. Disneyland was probably the most expensive and big thing but that isn't common. I just listen to what she says and do things she enjoys."
He also pointed out that his daughter has to behave, do homework, follow the rules, and face the consequences at his house the same as she does at her mother's.
OP's daughter is distancing herself from her mom and her toxic new relationship.
According to OP, his daughter told him that her mom and her new boyfriend argue a lot, making her uncomfortable. Because of this, his daughter wants to spend more time with him. He also wrote that his ex isn't very considerate of their daughter's feelings and often dismisses her. It was like that when they were together, too.
"I'd always tell her that not every time she has to 'win' but sometimes just deal with eating at place you don't like for her. Our daughter hardly asks for anything, she's not one of those kids. So the rare times she asks to go out and get a milkshake, I go out and get a milkshake. Her mother says she doesn't like being at her house and that I am spoiling her," he wrote.
OP wants to be a good dad.
He doesn't think that he is spoiling his daughter. OP is taking care of her needs and her wants. Basically, he's just being a good dad.
"Our daughter has always been a quiet kid and her mother knows this. So it's not hard to just listen to what she says. When she is really interested in something she'll speak up about it. If her mentioning she has been watching videos of people drawing things and then later buying her some paper and drawing materials is spoiling, then sure, I'm spoiling her," he continued.
Is being kind spoiling?
Redditors don't feel like OP is spoiling his daughter because he considers her feelings. They simply think he's empathetic and sweet.
"NTA if spoiling is spending time, you're spoiling her … and good for you for doing it!" someone wrote. "If she prefers one parent / house to another, that's her prerogative. Everyone is allowed to have their likes and dislikes. It's really not hard at all to build a relationship with a kid … especially your own!"
"I was all set to blast you as Disney dad but you're not," someone agreed. "You're a kind, caring, and considerate father and your daughter is lucky to have you. Don't change just because her mother refuses to be the same."
"NTA, You're investing in your daughters interests and showing that she's loved even with little gestures like a milkshake," another person commented. "It seems as though she's grateful that you're paying attention to her and giving her the validation that a child so dearly needs from a parental figure in their life. Ex is definitely jealous that she's facing the consequences of ignoring your daughter. I would assume the arguing is all a reason why she prefers your home over the ex, ex fails to reflect on herself and is looking for a scapegoat for her insecurities. You are not a bad father for showing your daughter affection, even if it is in the form of gifts."
Redditors think OP's ex has green-eyed envy.
Redditors seem to think OP's ex is just jealous of his lifestyle and acting like a jerk.
"NTA, it sounds more like jealousy on your exs part," one commenter wrote. "Your daughter enjoys spending time with you more than she does her because she's not put on the backburner with you and gets some peace and quiet at your house."
"You're doing fine OP, don't let your ex make you doubt your parenting," another person commented. "Material things are not spoiling your child, ex just sounds jealous."
"NTA." another Redditor decided. "At this point I'd consider moving her in with you if that's what she wants. Arguing is draining whether you are the one yelling or having to hear it. Her mother sounds bitter broke and jealous. If mother is mad that your daughter gets to experience joy, shouldn't be living with her imo."
OP, keep buying the milkshakes.
Redditors think that you are a great dad, OP. If your daughter is respectful and kind, she isn't spoiled — she is loved. You are providing her with a great life. Soak up the moments with her while she is young and tell her how much you care. She'll never forget it.
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