We'd been thinking of renovating our home for a few years. There was always something that came up. The last thing was the birth of our son. Then it was the pandemic. Then finally, we had a breather. So we hired a contractor, committed to the project, and off it went.
It was supposed to take a couple of weeks. It took just over a month. We planned for every hiccup in our renovations, but we never expected it to put our marriage through the wringer. Here's what we learned in that challenging month.
We Absolutely Need Separate Bathrooms
In our home, we have three full bathrooms. My husband and I have separate bathrooms. We are responsible for our individual messes and clean-ups. I never go into his and he never goes into mine. We are fortunate to be able to afford a home that has enough bathrooms for us.
But during the renovations, we both had to share the bathroom in the basement. Although we had separate shampoos, conditioners, soaps, and towels, it was a complete disaster. He couldn't stand my strands of hair and I couldn't stand his stinky, mildewy, wet towel. Every time we took showers, a bit of resentment built up inside us and the more bitter we became around each other.
Going through this experience cemented our need for separate bathrooms.
We Forgot How Much We Value Our Privacy
During the demolition, there were workers coming in and out of our home like it was a convenience store. The doors were always open; little critters, flies, and spiders came in and out. I'm surprised birds and squirrels didn't wander in. At first, I didn't mind since I was usually working in the basement and only came up for lunch and tea.
However, over time, it started to annoy me. I couldn't just quickly change pants in the living room to go out, run errands, and pick up the kids. I had to do it in the bathroom in case someone walked in and caught me in my underwear. In addition, the equipment noise made it difficult for me to enjoy my lunch.
But the worst was I stopped working out because I didn't feel comfortable exercising while strangers came in and out of my home. And my husband felt the same way.
Neither of us couldn't let loose and be ourselves, putting us on edge and in a terrible mood. The tiniest hiccup between us would trigger a fight. Whether it was a misplaced cup, words spoken in an unintentionally condescending tone, or eyes that rolled a little too much, we were at each other's throats because of our lack of privacy.
We realized how important privacy is to us. If or when the time comes and we need to do another renovation, special thought and consideration will be made to ensure we are mentally and physically prepared.
We Need Regular Quality Time Together
Due to a lack of space, much of the construction equipment was stored in our master bedroom, which made it unsafe for our son to sleep in. So my husband took the couch and inflated our air mattress for our son in the living room. I slept in the master.
Our son sleeps at 8 p.m. and he likes to cuddle with daddy as part of his bedtime routine. My husband would be so tired that he would pass out at the same time. I would be upstairs, reading a few chapters of my book before turning down for the night.
The change in our sleep routine eliminated the precious two hours we would spend together after the kids go to bed. During those hours, we would talk about our day, share funny anecdotes about the kids, go on our phones for a bit and then pick something to watch on Netflix.
But during renovations, we no longer had an opportunity to connect daily and it made us short-tempered, grumpy, and resentful of one another. There was no kiss goodnight, a hug or even saying goodnight. We felt like we had become roommates with a married couple label and that took a toll on our relationship.
This experience made us appreciate those hours to reconnect. We realized that even just sitting side by side in silence with each other's presence while watching a show shouldn't be something we take for granted in our marriage.
