I was born in 1980, and as anyone in my age bracket can likely attest, childhood was different back then. Growing up in suburban New Jersey, my siblings and our neighborhood friends were on the loose … all the time. Times have changed and now, 45 years later, parents have faced legal action for the simple act of letting their kids wander. My wife and I have not had any problems with the law, but we definitely subscribe to the free-roaming kid approach, within reason.
It was one of the driving factors for moving to Dover, New Hampshire, and living where we do. Dover has an incredible downtown with shops, cafes, and restaurants of all ilk. There’s a nice library, a big park, and our kids’ schools are within walking or biking distance of home. Because our oldest daughter was around 10 when we moved there, we’ve been progressively loosening the leash on where she could wander. It started with walking to the library, which is about three minutes down the road and across a four-way intersection.
After a few runs with her and our younger twins, we let them go all by themselves. The rule was just that they had to stay together in a group of at least two, to start. At the time, they had Gabb watches in case something came up. But nothing ever did. Fast forward four years, and the kids and their neighborhood buddies regularly go downtown and make the rounds at the pizza place, ice cream shop, and park. That sounds very Pleasantvill-y, and it mostly is. But Dover isn’t perfect, and the kids have had to navigate the occasional odd duck or unfriendly group of older kids.
All of which, in my unscientific opinion, is absolutely critical to their growing up and being able to take care of themselves. We’re not alone in taking this approach, but we’re also not the majority. In talking about letting the kids wander with friends, I’ve received looks of shock and clutching of pearls. When I ask what the problem is, the usual refrain is a vague fear of “weirdos” and the potential for nightmare scenarios, which I know are real possibilities and obviously horrible. That said, I’ve also seen first-hand what happens when kids are kept on an ultra-tight leash by helicopter parents. It’s not pretty, and it can get out of hand.
The Atlantic recently wrote about hovering parents following their nearly-adult kids to college campuses and literally walking them to class. If you want to guarantee your kids will never leave the house, this is the way to do it. To be clear, I am in zero rush for my kids to fly the coop and would love it if they never left, at least jokingly. But in all seriousness, that’s what parents are here for — to raise the kids and prepare them for life.
Jonathan Haidt hits this nail on the head with his book, The Anxious Generation, where he says too much screen time and too little autonomy are leaving today’s kids with crushing anxiety. I couldn’t agree more.
