The pattern was hard to miss: My family was cranky.
Of course, we didn’t start out that way. Every year after the Halloween decorations come down, we’re festive and ready to start the holidays. But as the season ramps up with school events, family obligations, and all the merriment much errand-running brings, a seasonal sullenness seeps in. Keeping connected during the holidays is what makes the magic, but all the hustle and bustle can disconnect my family. It might be time to ask Santa for some help.
I’ve watched this unfestive pattern develop over the last several years.
The first year it happened, I was surprised because my 4-year-old was in the holiday zone. Nothing was going to shake my son’s enthusiasm — except maybe a few too many parties. As my family ran around spreading holiday cheer, my 4-year-old learned how to say “bah humbug.” His worn-out mom and dad quickly followed suit and then we had no positive feeling left to give each other.
I tried bringing us back together by having movie nights.
I figured cuddling up watching a seasonal musical or cartoon was a great way to lift our spirits. But it didn’t work. Trying to find age-appropriate programs that held everyone’s attention wasn’t easy. My great movie watching plan turned out to be more of great plan for dozing than for bonding.
The next year, I did my best to keep our social gatherings to a minimum to avoid the Christmas Crankies, but they still showed up along with our yearly fruit cake.
Traveling to visit family (and all the stress that goes with that) unpacked some dreary days. Impromptu sing-a-longs were my cure but we’d only get through one day in the 12 Days of Christmas before my kid would decide Hide and Seek from all the forced joy was a better option.
Keeping our connection was turning out to be harder than I thought.
I wondered if we were simply destined to disconnect. Looking back, I had such wonderful memories of togetherness with my parents during the holidays. How had they made it happen? I’m guessing, it wasn’t by pushing us to participate in contrived family activities. I’d only wanted my little guy to have some quality flashbacks as he grew into adulthood.
“Hey kiddo, do you want to help me decorate?” I asked my son.
When I randomly asked my 7-year-old to join me, he turned off the TV without complaint, and helped unpack boxes of lights and knickknacks. When my husband passed by, he exclaimed, “You are decorating without me?!” Had I finally stumbled on an activity my family loved?
Decorating together for the holidays brought the focus back to us. We decorate in small bursts, giving us bonding moments to look forward to. This keeps our family merry and bright — and most of all magically connected. So, Santa, if you’re reading this, thanks for looking at my letter asking for holiday help, but I think we’ve got it now.
