My son is dancing next to the Christmas tree with a Santa hat on and absolutely no pants. This is the first year he really is starting to understand the whole holiday thing, and it is beyond heartwarming. He's crooning his own tune, a song he made up; "It's Christmas, it's Christmas, it's Chrrrrrrriiiiiistttttmmmmmassss." The lights in our freshly holiday decorated home are warm and cozy, and his little smile is beaming brighter than the star atop the tree.
My warm and fuzzy feelings fall as I realize none of our family or friends are going to get to experience his holiday joy this year. Those thoughts are immediately replaced by guilt.
My little family and I were never ones to just "stay home."
I'm ridiculously lucky to have some amazing family, and friends who are family, and we spent nearly every weekend with one of them. Getting kids together to play, afternoons at museums, we were always busy. So in March, when COVID first hit and the hospitals were swarmed and everyone was terrified, we took quarantine seriously. We plucked him from day care went from an active life to a wholly socially distant one in an instant, and have pretty much maintained that this entire time.
Inarguably, the hardest part of all of it has not been seeing our loved ones. It's not a problem wholly unique to us, obviously. And while some of us are concocting new traditions and ways to keep connected, there are those who are frankly in full denial.
As the holidays have drawn nearer, sadly the cases, hospitalizations, and deaths have risen across the country. And yet, there seems to be this narrative online that we're "crazy" for letting this virus dictate our lives.
Across social media, I see varying opinions about what the "right" thing to do is in regards to holiday time. But perhaps the most striking are the ones that urge people to remember that this could be their loved one's last Christmas, regardless of COVID, implying that it's important to see them, too, despite the pandemic at large.
When I saw that, I felt the strong pang of heartache. The reality is, we are always potentially experiencing our "lasts" in perpetuity. We have sick family members. We have loved ones going through genuinely hard times who could use a long hug. And here I am, holing up in our home.
But after the guilt and shame started the fade, frankly, I was filled with anger.
As of this moment, there are over 270K people dead from this virus. By the end of winter, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is predicting we are on track to lose 450K Americans.
Health professionals and organizations like the CDC are urging people to rethink holiday travel plans. Recently in an address to the Chamber of Commerce Foundation, Dr. Robert Redfield, the head of the CDC, said of December, January, and February, “I actually believe they’re going to be the most difficult time in the public health history of this nation.”
And yet we're pushing this narrative that people are selfish for staying home and not spending the holidays with loved ones?
Truthfully, staying home and distancing as much as possible is the kindest thing you can do for your family and your neighbors.
I know it is easier said than done. We've been worn down, confused, and let down this year. We're sick of wearing masks and doing nothing. Our elderly are lonely in nursing homes, our children are crazed from virtual schooling, and the thought of staying home for Christmas is the proverbial straw breaking our backs. Grandparents are devastated they aren't seeing their grandkids, and parents, my God, we are so overwhelmed.
But no matter what we are feeling, no matter how much we are guilted or pressured, it doesn't change the reality that traveling for Christmas and hosting huge holidays is a bad idea.
Don't our frontline workers, like nurses and grocery store workers, and immunocompromised neighbors deserve a holiday, too?
No matter how bad you or your family members feel about skipping this Christmas, it pales in comparison to someone actually losing a loved one. No matter how much your mother-in-law complains or even your kids whine, the reality is this disease is disproportionately impacting the most vulnerable in our society. The needs of the many in this case outweigh the needs of the few, even if it feels genuinely terrible to do so.
When you refrain from the normal Christmas hustle and bustle, you're doing the most seasonally appropriate thing: You're putting the needs of others before yours. Even in our darkest hours, we're resilient people. Doing a masked-up, socially distant present drop off, or Zoom-ing your parents in for Christmas dinner might feel like your cheating your loved ones out of a real holiday.
But I promise, it doesn't make you a Grinch. I makes you more like a Santa's helper.
