
More than two years after Stephen “tWitch” Boss unexpectedly took his own life in December 2022, widow Allison Holker is telling her story. Her new memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, is now in stores, and Allison doesn’t hold back when it comes to talking about the loss she’s experienced, including describing the final days of her late husband’s life.
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Although tWitch’s death came as a surprise to his friends, family, and fans, Allison wrote that he had been known to struggle with his mental health before his death, including “trauma and abandonment issues” that he had been battling since childhood.
“Stephen was navigating a complex emotional landscape. He fluctuated between genuine happiness and profound sadness, flipping between the two as if his brain were a dimmer switch,” she wrote in the memoir.
As the family became more popular on social media for their dancing and the glimpses of everyday life with their children that they shared online, Allison admitted that their increased fame “probably became a stressor” in his final years, too.
After The Ellen DeGeneres Show came to an end in May 2022 – just seven months before tWitch’s death – Allison wrote that in hindsight, she realized he’d been exhibiting symptoms of a “deteriorating mental state.” At that point, tWitch decided to go on an ayahuasca retreat to work on his feelings of being abandoned by his father, but he left early, and Allison said he was “never the same afterward.”
Allison wrote that the night before he died, tWitch texted her a tree emoji to signify that he was stopping at a marijuana dispensary, and the phone call he made to her on his way home was alarming. He kept repeating the phrase “I lied,” which didn’t make sense to her.
“Not long after he left, he called me and sounded freaked out. He said he was really high, which seemed totally out of character for him,” she wrote in the book. “This was not an ordinary conversation. I’d never known him to act like this. Smoking typically made Stephen more mellow, not paranoid. I was unsure what to do.”
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The morning tWitch died, he “apologized profusely” for the night before. “I explained how worried he had made me and asked him what lie he was talking about. He claimed not to remember saying that. He apologized again, then turned the conversation toward work,” Allison shared.
tWitch would never come home that night, leading her to file a missing persons report. Though she thought maybe he’d checked himself into rehab, it turned out the worst had happened.
In the book, she wrote that she wanted to give an “honest accounting” of what happened at the end of tWitch’s life.
“If you start seeing the signs I’ve described in someone else, ask questions. Be persistent. It can’t hurt, and it just might save a life,” she wrote.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.