TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about suicide, which may be triggering to some.
More than a year after professional dancer and choreographer Stephen tWitch Boss' death, his wife, Allison Holker, is opening up about how she coped in those first weeks and months without him. In a new podcast interview, Allison admitted that she talked to tWitch "almost every single night" at first. She said sometimes this meant talking to him about their children and the mundane parts of her day, but other times she got a lot more emotionally raw.
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tWitch died on December 13, 2022.
After Allison alerted police that she was unable to find her husband, the 40-year-old was found unresponsive in a Los Angeles-area hotel room. Autopsy findings later revealed that he had no drugs or alcohol in his system when he died, and ultimately, his death was ruled a suicide. At the time, Allison told investigators that they were not facing any "financial issues or marital problems" that could have played a role in his death.
Now, Allison is opening up about how she coped immediately following his death.
During an appearance on former Bachelor star Nick Viall's podcast, The Viall Files, Allison said she was "talking to him really actively" at first.
"I talked to him almost every single night, a really long time. It would be about anything and everything. It could be how was the day today? … Or I would be really upset and yelling at him sometimes," she said.
"There's times I've just screamed and there's times I've been like, 'OK, I'm picking a school for the kids. What do you think of this school?’ And then just wait for an answer. Yeah. You know, and so it's all sorts of different kinds of things that we would talk about."
There was one conversation in particular that was the 'most healing' for her.
"I was outside and I was looking at the stars and I said — whether it was necessary or not, I don't know if it was necessary or needed — but I forgave him. And I said, 'I hope you found that peace,'" she said. "Like, genuinely, I really hope he found that peace that he needed and that he felt like he needed. You know? And that's a really hard thing to do."
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She and her kids both feel that tWitch is still 'protecting them.'
"His love that was so great for us is still with us. You know?" she said on the podcast. "And so for me, I just try to hold onto that and remember that I'm still gonna have dark days. I'm still gonna have a lot of lows. There's still so many things in this journey that I still haven't experienced, but it's all about the way you choose to move through it."
Allison and tWitch share kids Weslie, 15, Maddox, 7, and Zaia, 3.
Her family is starting a new chapter in their lives.
After selling the home at the end of 2023 that Allison and tWitch shared, she and her children have already moved into their new digs. She told People the whole family is "very happy" about it.
"It's got such great energy about it and everyone just feels like they can breathe here," she said. "It's beautiful, it feels like us and a new us, a new version of who we are."
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
