As fans who watched 19 Kids & Counting and Counting On already know, the Duggar family approaches dating a little differently. Though many people use their teens and 20s to date different people and figure out what they’re looking for in a partner (or what they’re not), instead, Jim Bob and Michelle‘s kids entered into “courtships” – dating with the intention to marry a parent-approved partner. Could this be considered arranged marriage, though? That’s a question Jinger Duggar and Jeremy Vuolo decided to answer on the latest episode of their podcast.
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Jeremy and Jinger's new podcast episode is titled 'Was Our Marriage Arranged?'
On the installment of The Jinger & Jeremy Podcast that went live this week, the couple tackled the topic of courtship. Jinger asked Jeremy what the most common questions she’s gotten about courtship have been, and she said a big one is about whether her dad chose the person she’d be courting. And even though Jeremy himself had grown up in the Evangelical Christian community, he was still unfamiliar with the concept when he and Jinger met.
They both admitted that there is 'heavy parental involvement' in courtship.
Knowing that she was supposed to allow her father to have this heavy influence under the teachings of Bill Gothard and the Institute in Basic Life Principles, Jinger admitted that she even felt “guilty” if she was attracted to a guy that her parents hadn’t introduced her to.
“It was extreme on the girl’s part,” Jinger shared.
But is courtship an arranged marriage?
In Jinger and Jeremy’s opinion? No.
“No, it was not arranged marriage,” Jeremy said. “I pursued you over hills and mountains and through valleys and creeks and I had to work hard to pursue you because I was out of your world.”
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Jinger clarified that she and her sisters did have a say 'to some extent' about who they'd be courting.
But Jinger acknowledged that not all courtships work that way, and in some families, parents have such a heavy hand in the decision that they can (and do) put an end to their child’s courtship if they so choose – and in that case, she said she witnessed a lot of relationships end “not for any good reason.”
Of course, those in the relationship could choose to go against their parents’ wishes, but they were taught that doing so would “open them up to Satan’s attacks.”
If Jinger's parents had truly arranged her marriage, it probably wouldn't have been Jeremy she married.
In her book, Becoming Free Indeed, Jinger revealed that because Jeremy was outside of the IBLP and so different from what her parents had imagined for her, it took months of conversations between him and her dad before they had her parents’ blessing.
“Jeremy and I weren’t set up by my mom and dad. We decided for ourselves that we wanted to be in a relationship and consider marriage,” she wrote in her book. “But it took more than five months for our relationship to begin because we didn’t initially have my parents’ approval. They wanted to get to know Jeremy. His background and theology were different from ours, and that gave my parents a pause.”
It’s a good thing Jeremy was consistent, because it all worked out in the end!
