Last week, former Bachelor contestant Sarah Herron and her fiancé, Dylan Brown, shared an update on their journey to becoming parents. Sarah announced the two had welcomed their son into the world earlier than expected at just 24 weeks, and sadly, he did not survive.
Sarah now is sharing the challenging realities of how different the postpartum period is when you don’t get to bring your baby home.
On Instagram, Sarah shared a very vulnerable photo of herself looking into a mirror while wearing disposable underwear, a scene that’s common for new moms. But it’s different for Sarah and for other parents who don’t get to navigate this time with their baby in their arms.
“Postpartum after pregnancy loss is still postpartum,” she wrote in the caption. “I hadn’t gotten to the chapters on perinatal care yet, or lactation support. I jumped from second trimester to fourth trimester overnight.”
Being thrown into the postpartum phase left Sarah navigating unknowns.
“I didn’t know my milk was going to come in. Or that I would need my bathroom stocked with adult diapers, witch hazel and ice packs at 24 weeks pregnant,” Sarah wrote. “I haven’t unboxed my breast bump yet, or learned how to hand express my boobs with one hand.”
Sarah shared that instead of spending her days “sampling belly oils and rubbing my bump,” she’s been thrown into “a crash course in postpartum relief through streaming tears.”
'I don’t want relief, I want my baby,' Sarah added.
“Since coming home without Oliver, everything has been a haunting reminder of what was supposed to be, and what I now must face without him here,” Sarah explained. “There is simply no way to prepare yourself for the subtle inconveniences of pregnancy that can suddenly without warning, vanish.”
Sarah shared that a lot of everyday things are now different for her, including “suddenly being able to zip your winter coat, or reach down to tie your shoes again. Or the way the elastic band on your sweats suddenly fits ON your waist – not below it. Or the way you accidentally roll onto your belly in the middle of the night.”
But, for her, the 'worst' of these hard everyday things is 'catching your new reflection each day and no longer seeing a bump.'
Sarah continued, sharing that things she wasn’t able to do during pregnancy “are suddenly allowed again and it feels jarringly wrong.”
She explained that eating foods that she stopped consuming while she was pregnant and having a glass of wine “feels like deep abandonment of my baby. And the things I loved during pregnancy; like berries (so many berries!) feels like cheating.”
The postpartum phase is challenging enough, so adding grief can feel really heavy.
“I never prepared for this, and no mother should have to,” Sarah wrote. “I understand why no doctor or book briefs you on the possibility of this torture & I don’t have a positive way to wrap this post up. It’s probably the second to saddest thing I’ve ever shared.”
And that’s why she’s being vulnerable and sharing these deeply painful moments — so others don’t find themselves unprepared.
“My wish is that if you have a friend who lets you in on her loss, show up to her bathroom with pads, diapers, and ice packs so that she doesn’t have to figure it out alone,” she wrote.
“Fill her fridge with broths, casseroles and beverage options so she doesn’t have to think about the mundane yet painful decisions in front of her.”
