Everyone says cold feet are normal during an engagement. Over the course of my 20s, I was engaged three times. The first two were to completely inappropriate people for various different reasons. The last one I married. We are still together 10 years later. As a person who has experienced both sides of love — the kind that should last and the kind that shouldn't — I know what it feels like to be locked into forever with the wrong man. It's awful.
When you're getting married, everyone mentions "cold feet." They say it's normal. A study out of UCLA reveals the truth about "pre-wedding jitters." It turns out, they aren't really "healthy and normal" at all.
In fact, pre-wedding jitters are a sign things are very, very wrong. Having lived both sides of it — engaged to the right man and the wrong ones as well — I have to say I agree.
I have been to weddings where the bride and groom later divorced and there was always one common theme — the bride looked like I felt when I was engaged to the wrong men.
It's a feeling of terror that is hard to describe. I remember waking up at 5 a.m. on a Sunday and leaving my sleeping fiance in our apartment to go wander the streets because the ring felt like it weighed 1,000 pounds and I couldn't breathe lying next to him. It's an awful feeling.
With my now husband, I had no doubts. I was nothing but happy, thrilled even, to be marrying this man. There wasn't a single moment where I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Not one.
"Cold feet" aren't normal. Doubts and fear aren't normal. No matter who tells you they are. Sure, you might have questions. You might even have worries. You ARE making a lifetime commitment. But fear? Panic? "Cold feet"? Wondering if you're making the wrong decision? These are all red flags.
Marriages that end in divorce often started with some doubt and worry. Not always. But I have seen it myself. I know it's true. If you have cold feet, you really have to look at why and wonder if you are doing something you might want to undo later.
Did you have cold feet around your wedding?
Image via La Melodie/Flickr
