"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.
*The relationship a woman has with her mother-in-law is sometimes a very complicated one. And what can add to the sometimes awkwardness is if your mother-in-law catches you doing something you "shouldn't" be doing. Like masturbating. Not that masturbating is bad, but no one ever wants to be caught naked and touching themselves by your husband's mom. That's what happened to 30-something-year-old Molly*. She'll explain.
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Two years ago when my husband Jack* and I had found out we were pregnant for the first time, we were so excited. We lived close to my parents, so it was easy to tell them in person, but Jack's parents lived in another state, and instead of sharing the news over the phone, we planned a visit. We don't get to see them very often, so we planned to stay a week and really enjoy our time with them. They also live on the beach, so that's an added bonus.
We told them on the first night over dinner and my mother- and father-in-law were so happy, naturally. This baby was going to be their first grandchild. Everything was sweet and perfect. The next day Jack's mom had her yoga class in the morning and Jack and his dad had planned to go golfing. So I was going to wait for his mom to get back and we were going to go shopping. When everyone was out, I was at their house by myself, and I took a nice, long shower and decided to sit on their back porch in just my towel to look out at the beach. It was a gorgeous day, and well, I got a little horny. My hormones were raging from being pregnant and so I decided to masturbate. No one could see me from the beach, so I was basically lying there on their chair, feet up, towel open, taking care of myself.
Just as I was about to climax, the worst happened. My mother-in-law appeared! There was no hiding what I was doing. She saw, her eyes widened, and she yelled, OH GOD SORRY! and ran back in the house.
My face got so hot from embarrassment. What the heck was I supposed to do now? Here I was, carrying this woman's first grandchild, and I'm diddling myself on her porch. This doesn't look good at all. I decided to tell her the truth.
I told her I was sorry and that I was so embarrassed, but my hormones were raging and that's why I was doing what I was doing. I kept repeating how embarrassed I was. She and I weren't close — we lived far away from each other and there was never time to really get to know her. Instead of being weird about it, she smiled and said, "Don't worry about it. I've been there. I have three kids. And while this may seem strange to you, I masturbate, too."
And that was that! Still so embarrassing, but it brought my MIL and I closer in a very strange way. We did keep it our little secret. We ended up going shopping and the whole visit was great. I didn't even tell my husband because I felt he would be too embarrassed about the whole thing. But I'm so thankful she and I were able to handle the situation like we did.
Have you ever been caught in the act by your in-laws? Did it go as well as Molly's situation?
*Names have been changed.
Image via Tama Leaver/Flickr
