Here is a terrible list to look forward to: hot flashes, wildly irregular cycles, cramps like never before, brain fog, and forgetfulness. All of this and insomnia, migraines, and mood swings? Yep, welcome to the fun of perimenopause! According to some experts, perimenopause can cause literally dozens of symptoms, and yet too many women don't really know what to expect when it comes to the phase of life that marks the eventual end of fertility.
Given that perimenopause can last for several years for some women and make life really challenging, it's not OK that we still find ourselves blindsided by all of the ways shifting hormones can impact our lives. Although we certainly advocate for women to talk to their health care providers, we also know we can learn from the experiences of other women. Therefore, we talked to some women who are in or through perimenopause to find out what they wish they'd known going into this phase and how they really feel about being on the road to menopause. Fair warning: They kept it super real!
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Anything Would Have Been Good
"I wish I had known anything! I feel like most of what I learned about this phase of life is from the internet. My doctors didn’t bring it up, and my mom never talked about it. It was from other women, going through a dump truck worth of period products, like me. That's what p—es me off the most. Nobody prepared me for this nonsense. Why the h— do we have to fumble around like pilgrims to learn about our own bodies?" – Jessa F., Arizona
Wild Cycles
"I knew that perimenopause can make cycles irregular, but I didn’t know how WILD 'irregular' can be. I just finished a cycle where I bled for 36 days straight. The last cycle I had was four months ago and it was two days of spotting. It is all over the map. And the cramps are other level now. Just OTHER LEVEL." – Marissa S., Minnesota
It Can Be Dangerous
"I was bleeding so much, I became anemic and would get dizzy spells. It can be dangerous, and I had no idea. I was having to wear adult diapers because I was bleeding so much, and I didn’t know that I needed to get an ablation to handle it. I wish I had talked to my doctor sooner." – Amy A., Wisconsin
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Oh Baby
"Yes. You can totally get pregnant during perimenopause. Even if you are 43 and haven’t had a cycle in five months. Ask me how I know … the answer is currently sleeping in her crib. My oldest child is graduating from high school this year. Did not expect to end up with a toddler and college student at the same time." – Lisa R., Kansas
The Fog
"As someone who has always been super organized and been known for having great attention to detail, I was really not prepared for the brain fog that I get sometimes. Part of it is hormones, part of it is that I don’t sleep well any more, but I’m way more forgetful than I used to be and it takes more work to stay on top of all the 12,000 things I have going on at work." – Olivia P., Michigan
When To Advocate
"I wish I had known how much I’d have to advocate for myself to get my (male) doctor to take my debilitating symptoms seriously. It wasn’t until I fainted at work because I was having such heavy bleeding one month that he seemed finally willing to explore surgical options." – Kelly S., Florida
Surprise Bleeding
"I find the worst thing is how irregular they are – the duration, the frequency, the intensity – no two are alike. You can't plan around when it will be expected, whether it will be light or like Niagara Falls. I wear period underwear or a pad most days now because I’m tired of being surprised by sudden bleeding." – Fiona D., New Jersey
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Books Over Doctors
"Dr. Jen Gunter’s The Vagina Bible and The Menopause Manifesto were 1000% more helpful than my doctor was. I wish I had read her books before I was in perimenopause so I could have known what to expect. I learned 1000% more from the books than from my doctor, sadly." – Annie S., California
Hormones Rule All
"I feel like I knew some of the basics (cycles get weird, etc.) but I didn’t realize that there were a whole bunch of other stuff that are impacted by my shifting hormones. My sex drive has changed, I get more UTIs, and I don’t regulate my body temperature as well anymore. My sleep is a mess. Hormones are in charge of everything, it turns out." – Nikki B., Iowa
The Emotional Side
"The emotional side was a surprise to me. I didn’t want any more kids but realizing I was out of the phase of life where I could easily have more kids hit me harder than I expected. I feel my middle age status a lot more than I used to and am dealing with that gap of feeling like I’m still young but knowing that people see me as middle age now." – Melissa W., Minnesota
Puberty Again
"Perimenopause, for me, has been like going through puberty again. I’m 38 and horny as a teenager, my skin is super oily, and I have terrible body odor if I don’t put on deodorant three times a day. I didn’t expect any of that or the terrible teenager-style mood swings that I’m also getting." – Cari H., Colorado
It Isn't Cheap
"We don’t talk about how expensive perimenopause is. My utility bills are higher because I’m running the AC all the time. I’m buying more pads and tampons than ever. I’m replacing clothes and sheets because I’ve bled through things and ruined them. I’m paying for new meds for the hormone-induced migraines that I’m suddenly getting. I’m shelling out for laser hair removal because I’m growing a freaking beard. It is expensive to deal with all this stuff!" – Gracie R., California
Sex Can Hurt
"Vaginal atrophy is a thing (Google it, but not at work). And it makes sex really hurt. There’s hormonal treatment, but there are lots of underlying reasons why some people can’t take it, so some of us are kind of on our own. The mood swings, the weight gain, the hot flashes, it’s just A LOT." – name withheld by request
Dreaming of Sleep
"The hardest part for me has, surprisingly, been how much perimenopause has messed up my sleep. I either sleep like crap because I’m too hot or because I’m having anxiety or just free-range insomnia or I’m sleeping and having super weird and vivid dreams." – Terrie E., Kentucky
Mental Health Matters
"I wish I’d known that perimenopause can make some of my mental health challenges worse. I have a history of depression, but it has been pretty well managed but got a lot worse when my hormones started changing. I wish I had been prepared for having to adjust my meds after years of being stable." – name withheld by request
Alien Clots
"I just feel like everything is so much more graphic and gross, honestly. I'm sweating like a pig, my periods have these horrible alien clots, and my flow is insane. I just feel like everything is turned up to 11 and I didn't expect any of it." – Val K., Minnesota
Powerful AF
"It's interesting. I'm both dealing with physical stuff that feels like a second bout of puberty (at the same time my daughter is hitting puberty, which is A LOT) but I'm also feeling like I'm at the most powerful phase of my life. I'm killing it at work, and I'm a great mom. I didn't expect to feel this strong, even as my hormones are bonkers." – Tia C., Indiana
*Disclaimer: The advice on CafeMom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
