There are very few hard and fast rules when it comes to marriage. We are all different, with different kinds of marriages. But there is probably one rule that applies to everyone. And it is this: Don't talk smack about your spouse.
It's tempting. As women, we get in a room together, and we love to gossip and chat. It's our way. And for many women, it's also an opportunity to complain about our men. He doesn't clean enough. He doesn't cook. He's an idiot when it comes to putting his socks away. And on. And on.
Sometimes, it goes even deeper.
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Just look at the woman who recently outed her husband's penis as somehow inadequate on Family Feud when she provided an embarrassing answer to one of the game show's questions. OUCH. Poor Pete just stood there after his wife was asked what part of men's bodies women wanted to change.
"Their penis," she replied gleefully.
Come on — that's like breaking rule #1 of marriage: Don't trash your husband's manhood. Not only was it not on the board, she also publicly humiliated her husband. It's cold. How would she have felt if the roles were reversed? What if he had said her weight? Or her boobs?
The fact is, when you are in a crowd of people, as far as everyone else is concerned, your husband is AMAZING. Your wife is so wonderful you can't imagine ANYONE better. If he slips up and says something obnoxious or if she puts her foot in her mouth, your job is not to pile on. Your job is to lift up.
My husband and I had these friends a long time ago who were awful to be around. The husband was clearly miserable with the wife and would make disparaging comments constantly about her weight and looks. It was horrible, and the truth is, if he had an issue with her appearance, he should have discussed it with her in private.
Marriage is a relationship between two people. And two people only. My best friend is wonderful, but her opinion of my husband — a man she only sees every couple months and only knows through me — is not really relevant in any discussion.
If I am having a major issue with my husband, I will go to her or another friend for advice. But I would never mock him or publicly humiliate him. If he says something wrong in public or something that bothers me, I tell him about it later, once we are alone.
The couples where one member is clearly embarrassed of the other are always pretty obviously the most unhappy. We are not supposed to feel badly about our spouses. We are supposed to build each other up.
In fact, I would propose an amendment to those vows we all take at the wedding altar. Do you vow to love, honor, obey, AND never, EVER publicly humiliate your spouse?
I do.
Do you ever say bad things about your spouse in public?
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