When it comes to the topic of cheating, it can be all too easy to be judgmental about the motives and character of the person stepping out on his or her spouse. Research shows that over 80 percent of Americans believe that having sex with someone other than your spouse is "always wrong," so most people who do cheat usually keep both the experience and the lessons they might have learned private.
But while we might usually think of men as the ones to be most likely to cheat, the truth is that women stray too. We spoke with some of them to find out why they cheated and what they wish other people knew about that experience.
Their names have been withheld by their request, but you might find some of their stories to be more familiar than you might expect.
Image via © Joey Boylan/iStock
Good People Cheat
"If you met me, you'd probably like me. I'm on the PTA, I take my kids to soccer practice, I'm a good friend and sister and mom. Years ago, during a rough patch in our marriage, I had a brief fling with an ex-boyfriend. I'm not proud of it, but I also don't think it is the thing that most defines me. Good people cheat, good people make mistakes."
I Stay for the Kids
"I've been having a thing with a male friend for about six months. We haven't had sex yet, but things are physical. I have no plans to leave my husband even though we basically live like roommates. We haven't had sex in almost a year, but he is a GREAT dad and we are a good team where the kids are concerned. I think the kids deserve to have both parents around, so I'm not going anywhere but I need a little sexual tension in my life too."
I Have No Regrets
"My ex-husband was and is one of my best friends. I love him. But I had an affair with another woman. I had long felt like I might be bisexual, and I felt like I had to explore that. When I hooked up with Amy, it became very clear that I'm NOT bi — I'm gay. Splitting up with my husband was hard, but I have no regrets. I'm not meant to be with a man."
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The Chemistry Is Insane
"I met John (not his real name) at my running group. We hit it off right away. We have a lot in common, including being married and loving to run. My husband is a good guy, but he has put on 50 pounds since we got married and isn't physically active at all. I still love him, but the physical chemistry with John is insane. Neither of us wants to leave our spouse, so this is the perfect situation right now. I should feel guilty, but I don't, or at least not guilty enough to stop. It makes my otherwise average life have a spark."
I Got Caught
"My long-term partner and I had been having problems and weren't sure if we were going to stay together. We decided to make it work, but then I had a stupid one-night fling on a business trip. He found out and it was AWFUL. It basically destroyed our relationship. The good thing is that we fought through it and did the work of seeing a counselor and really digging deep into our relationship. We are really good, really solid now, but I wouldn't ever do it again."
It Makes Me Feel Sexy
"I don't think I've technically cheated. Well, maybe I have. I've never had sex with someone else, but sometimes when I go out with my girlfriends, I'll flirt or dance with someone else. It has led to kissing and some groping sometimes. It makes me feel sexy though, and then I go home and bring that energy to bed with my husband, so I think it is a win-win."
I Haven't Cheated Yet -- but I Want To
"Yikes. Okay. So here is the truth: I want to have an affair. I've been married for 15+ years to the only person I've ever had sex with. We have a good life together (our kids are amazing) and he is a decent guy. But we have no passion anymore. I just want, at least once, to see what it would be like to be with someone else. Right now I'm not feeling super attractive due to my weight, so I'm actively working on losing it, partially so I have the confidence to see if I could actually do this. I haven't cheated yet — but I want to."
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I Might Lose My Kids
"I cheated, he found out, he posted it on Facebook, and now I've lost pretty much all of my friends and I'm afraid I might lose my kids if/when we get divorced. It was so not worth it. I can't believe how badly I've screwed up my life."
Being Faithful is Overrated
"I travel a lot for work and sometimes I hook up with guys I meet in other places. They are usually married too, and nobody is interested in anything serious. I think being faithful is overrated. As long as nobody gets hurt, I don't think cheating is a mortal sin. We are hardwired to want diversity!"
Am I Crossing the Line?
"Kevin is my 'work husband.' We've never done anything physical, but we have lunch or take a walk together almost every day. I've started to realize that I really look forward to seeing him every day and have started doing small things like trying to dress nicer for work. I'm honestly not sure if I'm crossing the line into an emotional affair. I do think my husband would be uncomfortable with how connected Kevin and I are, and I do sometimes hide the fact that we text each other at night. It feels emotionally blurry, I guess. But I don't want to stop."
Cheating Is Revenge
"My husband has cheated on me MANY TIMES. He even texted another woman from the delivery room when I was having our daughter. Financially, I can't afford to leave him. I'm a SAHM and he makes good money. I like my lifestyle and I've basically decided to turn a blind eye to his behavior, but I'm also involved in an online thing with someone else now and I don't feel bad. I guess my cheating is revenge plus a boost for my self-esteem."
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
"We have a policy of 'don't ask, don't tell' when it comes to cheating. I say we are 'monogomish.' He is my PRIMARY and most important relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally make a connection with someone else. Don't judge, it works for us."
