Your heart was broken. Your kids uprooted. Your life turned upside down. Are you REALLY ready to meet a new man?
Relax. We've taken the guesswork out of it for you. Click through for nine blink-and-you'll-miss-them signs that you truly are ready to let yourself get close to someone again.
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Your anger has subsided.
When the thought or your ex and what happened to your relationship no longer fills you with rage, you're ready to get back into the dating game, says Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, JD, a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in Los Angeles, New York City, and Telluride, CO. "The keyword here is 'subsided,'" he adds. "Not eliminated."
You're horny.
"When your thoughts are drifting towards erotic pleasures rather than fear of another intimate connection, you're ready to start looking for a new sexual mate," says Hokemeyer. 'Nuff said.
You start practicing self-compassion.
Divorce "diminishes us emotionally and makes us feel diminished physically," Hokemeyer notes. When you start to look in the mirror and think, Huh. I look pretty good, "then it's time to take your external beauty and internal strength back out in the romantic world," says Hokemeyer.
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You get a sexy new pair of heels.
Yes, how you feel on the inside matters, "but there's no denying that accessories matter, too," notes Hokemeyer. And once you try on a hot pair of pumps, you're already thinking about where you're going to wear them — or take them off.
You feel a twinge of jealousy about your friend's LTR.
Don't feel guilty about feeling a little green. "Envy is wanting something someone else has without bearing any ill will towards the person," Hokemeyer assures. And in this case, it's also a sign that you're ready to feel close to someone again.
You're curious about this whole online dating thing.
Clicking on Tinder? Checking out Zoosk? "Results require intentions. Intentions require curiosity," points out Hokemeyer. "When you find yourself considering your dating options, you're ready to move back onto the field."
You're tired of saying no when friends want to set you up.
Instead of saying, "No thanks, I'm not ready" to wannabe matchmaker friends, maybe you're starting to be like, "Fine! Just ONE date!" "Exhaustion is a sign of surrendering to win," notes Hokemeyer. And by giving in, you're admitting that you're ready to be vulnerable again.
You're kinda sorta dreaming about romance again.
"Freud said dreams are unconscious expressions of wish fulfillments," Hokemeyer says. "To dream it is to want it. To want it is to be ready for it."
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You're sick of feeling sorry for yourself.
Of course, you need time to grieve the relationship you lost, eat far too much ice cream, and watch every single episode of Law & Order: SVU in existence. "But there comes a point when we get sick of ourselves for feeling so downtrodden," says Hokemeyer. "When you hear yourself saying, 'Enough already,' it is."
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