When you're juggling kids, work, a dog that needs to be walked, hamsters with a cage to be cleaned, meals to prep, laundry to wash and fold (well, you get the idea) … sex falls out of the top 10 list of priorities pretty easily.
But it shouldn't! Studies show that happily married couples are the ones that are pretty damn happy with their sex lives. And for most people, that means leaving the dishes in the sink and doing it at LEAST once a week.
Everyone has different needs, though. So instead of keeping a tally, click through to see the obvious signs that you and your partner both feel satisfied in the bedroom.
Image via Goran Bogicevic/Shutterstock
You've got a connection outside the bedroom.
Your chemistry's a good indicator of your sex life. "If you both have tender feelings when you look at each other, you're doing okay," says Tina B. Tessina, PhD (aka "Dr. Romance"), a psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together.
You can talk openly to each other about your sex life.
So maybe you want to shake things up in the bedroom. Or your partner's like, "Hey, you wanna try ___ for a change?" Being able to speak candidly about your sex life is a GOOD thing, says Tessina. "When your conversation is open and caring, you can fix any sexual imbalance whenever it shows up."
You can say "no thanks" to sex and it's no big deal.
Not in the mood? Couples who are getting it on a good amount will take a "Sorry, not tonight" in stride. "Healthy sex is mutual," points out Tessina. "Not a demand."
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You make time to relax together.
You're probably pretty satisfied with your sex life if you make time for relaxing together, away from distractions, says Tessina. And that quality time will actually bring you two closer and make you crave MORE sex.
You have a sense of humor in bed.
"Funny things can happen [during sex], and if you enjoy them together, you'll enjoy your lovemaking more," Tessina notes.
You understand that sometimes sex is "eh."
A couple on steady ground understands that EVERY sexual connection has its ups and down, notes Tessina. If you have an off night, you know it's not the end of the world.
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You remember the early days of your relationship.
"The best beginning for a lovely sexual encounter is a good, honest and open conversation," says Tessina. "When you were new lovers, you talked and sex was easy." Remember those days? If so, chances are you're STILL heating up the bedroom.
You have a sexual repertoire.
You don't just "do it." If your sex life's on track, you've got a whole shebang of options, says Tessina. Think: quickies, sneaky sex, makeup sex, kids-are-at-grandma's-so-let's-try-that-thing-we've-been talking-about sex … You get the gist.
You can go without sex for a while and be understanding about it.
You're sick. Or maybe your partner's pulling double shifts this week. Whatever's going on, you both get that your sex life will temporarily suffer a bit — and that's okay. "You can still remember how much you love each other and offer comfort instead of sex," Tessina says.
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You schedule time to get it on.
Is there something silly about scheduling time for an orgasm? Yup. But couples who do so are making their relationship a priority, despite a hectic schedule, Tessina notes.
You don't worry about your sex drive.
"You don't need to be driven, you can get yourself there," says Tessina. Instead of waiting to have sex until you're "in the mood," you know that it's up to YOU to create it. (And you do.)
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