Let's talk about divorce. For most of us, the word conjures up visions of all kinds of messes: emotional, financial, and also physical, since all the things in the house are now being claimed and divided up. Ick. It's even worse if kids are involved. So it makes sense that having our "I dos" turn into "I don'ts" is the last thing we want when we're making a commitment like marriage. But once we clean up the mess, divorce may actually be the best thing that has ever happened to us. A regular blessing in disguise.
Being stuck in a marriage in which at least one person unhappy is emotionally draining, and finding ways to fix that partnership can be even more so. But even in the 21st century, there's a certain stigma that continues to go along with the divorce — the idea that we failed at something as major as love. "You can't ever not be a divorced person again," Mandy Stadtmiller writes for the Cut. "It's like a twisted form of losing your virginity. It changes how you interact with people the rest of your life."
But, as she suggests, what if we don't look at divorce as failure, but instead we accept it as the closing of a chapter and emancipation? We know, we know, this is getting a little Eat, Love, Pray.
But seriously. The pain and loss of a significant relationship — one that we probably felt was a part of our identity — is an opportunity for us to dig deep, learn, and discover things about ourselves that we would never would have done otherwise.
To attest to this, we spoke to 15 women who shared why getting divorced ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them.
No more eggshells
"I was married to an addict for 11 years. During that time, I devoted my life to keeping him healthy and sober. When I asked for a divorce and he moved out, I realized that I had been miserably co-dependent and I had put aside many of my own interests, friends, and aspects of my personality to accommodate him. I am now free to pursue things that make me happy, spend time with people I enjoy, and not have to feel like I'm walking on eggshells." – Emily J.
Financial freedom
"I now run my own business now as a freelance translator, making nearly three times as much as I made when I divorced him. Also, just after my divorce, I was an independent real estate agent, allowing me to purchase a car for cash, to travel to Fiji, and to pay the private school tuition of my kids by myself." – Jana C.
Post-divorce entrepreneurship
"I had been home with my four children for eight years when my ex filed for divorce in 2014. I had no idea how I was going to survive financially. Then a former colleague emailed me to ask if I wanted to help out with a startup baby gear rental marketplace … There was no funding, which meant no pay, but I could join the platform and make some money renting baby gear to families visiting my area while also building the corporate business. It was a big risk, especially since I was a parent … I have always been an entrepreneur in my heart, so I said yes. Two years later, I'm co-founder of a funded and quickly growing marketplace, helping families travel easier to 135 markets across the US and Canada, and helping other moms, including divorcing moms, launch their own baby gear rental business. I'm so happy I said yes! Divorce, by its very nature, can make you very risk averse, but it may be the time we're actually supposed to take the big risks." – Trish M.
Another love
"My divorce allowed me to find a partner who loved me and supported me for everything I am and everything I will become." – Jennifer B.
More from CafeMom: 11 Texts That Reveal the Messy Truth About Life After Divorce
Writer goals
"I divorced in 2009, quite heartbroken, confused, and lost — plus in the midst of the economic recession. In under six months, I began a copywriting business that has led to an associate editor job for a new magazine, and becoming a writer and coach … Divorce was a sorrowful time, it was the initiative I needed to develop a business that I wouldn't trade for anything!" – Kristen E.
First love
"I found (rather, thanks to Facebook, he found me) my first love … who also was a divorcé. Now I'm running my business rather than building my ex's empire, setting a positive example for our children, and falling in love with myself both through my eyes and his." – Nicole I.
Regaining health
"Since my divorce four years ago, I'm more financially stable, building a business with an amazing new friend, my son is well-adjusted, I'm healthier and happier." – Akima B.
Capitalizing on the emotions
"Divorce was the BEST thing to happen to me because I learned how to not only be who I am but I designed an entire program around learning how to manage my emotions while going through the bitter divorce. Now I've earned tens of thousands of dollars on everything I've learned and continue to learn." – Tameka A.
More from CafeMom: 9 Poignant Divorce Quotes That Will Mend a Broken Heart
Doing things alone
"My divorce was the best thing to happen to me because it made me realize all the things I could do on my own that I didn't need a husband for." – Charlotte A.
Becoming more emotionally in tune
"Because of the pain of this experience, I was more sensitive and more in tune to others. I used that energy in my life and became more open, more curious, and I noticed people and things around me in more detail. I started using my imagination and intuition more. I became more alive and expressive and energetic. It was as if processing my pain gave my life a boost of rocket fuel and a greater capacity to love." – Milana P.
Motherhood
"It made me a better mom! It was like I was in a daze or mundane pattern while in a negative relationship. Leaving almost forced me to WAKE UP! I could finally plan activities around my kids, I could enjoy laying in bed with them during movie nights, and I made them my focus instead of focusing on my pain. I re-centered myself and made sure I lived in the moment." – Katrina J.
Financial escape
Leaving my ex was the best thing I could have done. My ex-husband felt entitled to my salary, my home, and everything with my name on it. Had I stayed married to him, I would have been ruined financially in no time at all. He thought it was his matrimonial right to help himself to everything I'd worked for and saved." – Anna B.
More from CafeMom: 10 Things Every Divorced Woman Should Do Before Starting to Date Again
R&R
"So now I sleep so soundly … I wake up happy … I love my own space more than ever before!!! I found an inner strength and lack of dependence power that I am not aware that I have ever had before!" – Janice W.
A better you
"It was HARD, I can’t even begin to put words together to describe how hard that was, but looking back it was an incredible opportunity to grow and become a better version of myself." – Nicole A.
Back to school
"I could go back to school. I could get whatever job I wanted to. So I did what made me happy, without having to worry about someone else’s approval or their schedule." – Liora Y.
