When a couple gets married, they hopefully do it with clear heads, knowing that "forever" is long and they're both going to grow and change immensely during their relationship. But, sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case for everyone who enters into a marriage. It certainly isn't for one woman who wrote this month to New Zealand-based sex columnist Jennifer Souness. The woman basically fat-shamed her husband for gaining weight and said his body is driving them toward a "sexless marriage," and her letter has sparked some seriously heated debate.
In her letter, the woman wrote that she's in her third marriage with "the nicest guy I've ever been with."
She described him as "kind, funny, a great dad and stepdad to our kid (and my daughter)" and said he has a good job, good friends, and no addictions. "So many boxes ticked!" she wrote. "Except one: his weight, which was a minor problem when we met, continues to increase and I simply cannot find a fat man attractive."
The woman said that, as a result of her husband's weight gain, their sex life is dying, and she's furious that he "subsidies the healthy meals I cook with a steady stream of junk food and beer."
Plenty of people lashed out at the woman who wrote the letter, calling her selfish and superficial.
Some said the woman doesn't really love her husband.
And they accused her of going back on her vows.
They also made fun of the writer for how many times she's been married, implying that the previous divorces may have been her fault.
Some pointed out that a man would be yelled at for body-shaming his partner, but this woman seems to think she can get away with it.
Fat shaming is not cool, no matter who is the target.
But others argued that the husband's weight was a divorce-worthy problem.
The columnist seemed to agree with people who told the woman she was being unreasonable. She advised the unhappy wife to help her husband get to the bottom of his overeating — his real reasons for doing it — and to be encouraging and supportive, rather than snapping at him about how unattractive she thinks he is. After all, he may not even want to lose weight, and that's his choice. No one deserves to be fat-shamed, especially not by the person he or she loves.
"'So many boxes ticked?' What are you looking for, a butler? I wonder if your first two husbands met their demise by falling short on 'ticks'?" Dr. Jennifer wrote. "Relationships are not Hollywood movies, they're hard work. They need open and honest communication, a willingness to listen and genuine empathy to survive — and that goes for both of you, you too have to work at ticking his boxes."
