Today in Reddit threads that will send you down a rabbit hole is an adorably earnest post written by a 22-year-old man who just recently learned that women fake orgasms. Like, a lot. (Clearly, Gen Z did not grow up on When Harry Met Sally like we did, and it shows.) But the news of just how much his own girlfriend was faking her orgasms has apparently left him crushed. (Poor thing!)
The resulting thread has led to an incredible outpouring of comments from both women and men that is equal parts entertaining, informative, and honestly just too fascinating to tear away from.
The anonymous poster begins by saying his girlfriend of six years just revealed that she's "faked around 99% of her orgasms."
"She said she did it because she didn’t want to kill the mood," he explains, "and that it is actually really difficult to make her climax."
But even so, he just can't shake the shock of it all:
"I was floored. I thought we had amazing sex and that she was satisfied, but all of her cues in bed have been theatre. She has emotional problems, anxiety, and is a self-described people pleaser, to the point where she feels as though she acts as a doormat in all her interactions with others."
The news has not only left him devastated but also incredibly intimidated to ... er, well, do the deed.
"I feel like the thousands of lies have seriously undermined our trust, and I have lost all of my sexual confidence," the poster continues. "Sex now seems so daunting, because I apparently don’t know the first thing about how to pleasure her. How can we recover from this? How can I not feel inadequate forever? We are still in love, and she told me she did it not to upset me, and kept the lie going for six whole years."
LOL, oh man … where do I begin? Not to dismiss this kid's genuine anguish here (of which there is certainly no shortage), but I so wish I could sit him down and say, "Dude — welcome to Earth."
Women have been faking orgasms since the dawn of time. It's practically one of our super powers at this point. And yet it continues to boggle the mind of men everywhere.
But why?
Studies have proven that up to 80 percent of women have faked orgasms in their lifetime -- and quite often. (You hear that, guys?)
Their reasons are varied — often, it's to help make their partner feel good, to not make things awkward, or to just speed up things in the sack. But let's be real; a lot of it lies in the fact that women just don't orgasm in the same way or at the same rate as men, and a lot of times, we feel pressure to climax before our partners can.
In other words: It just happens. We're not secretly scheming behind the scenes to embarrass our significant others.
Almost immediately, female Redditors jumped in to say that they too are "guilty as charged" when it comes to faking it.
"Hey OP," wrote one woman. "I was your GF … kinda. About 5 years into our relationship I sat my husband down and told him that I had been faking at least one orgasm for the majority of times we have had sex."
The commenter continued on to say that although coming clean was awkward at first, it ultimately led to a more open and healthy sexual dialogue that they've definitely benefitted from.
Others gave it to him a bit more straight and let him know that while it may bruise his ego, it's not all about him.
"The fact that your confidence is wrapped up in her ability to orgasm is the greatest reason that she lied," wrote one user, who seems to have hit the nail right on the head.
Others dished straight facts: "Many women can't orgasm with a partner," another wrote. "Please don't focus on how many times she comes with you because you can make the matter worse. It is also physiological for many, not just mental."
"I am also a woman that rarely climaxes, trust me it has nothing to do with you," another woman added. "When men are taught that sex is only good if you can 'finish her' it takes a toll on women like us as well. It can be a huge insecurity for us in a relationship, we feel like something is wrong with us and our bodies."
"I was under the impression all men knew women did this and we just didn't care … " added another woman, whose response made me LOL, because me too.
Many Redditors added that considering how young the couple is, it's honestly no surprise that this happened.
Let's be real — young love is beautiful and all, but it's also a time of exploration and learning. And that can be awkward. You're still fumbling around in the dark without a flashlight, trying to figure out what switch does what. So is it really a huge surprise that this guy's girlfriend began faking it at a time when she was still figuring herself out, and then felt like she had to keep up the ruse?
Not to me, and if you scroll through the Reddit thread, apparently not to most women.
But although some women were being honest and supportive, there were plenty of dudes who seemed straight-up crushed by this whole thing.
Like this guy, who suggested just breaking up over the whole thing — 'cause you know, that seems fair:
"[It's] hard to imagine how the trust can be rebuilt after getting that dropped on you. Some here will probably try to defend her behavior (even you did to some extent) but I don't care how bad your anxiety of whatever is, she intentionally misled you and screwed up your confidence and ability to trust. I'm not saying you have to break up but if you know you're going to struggle to ever trust her again then it will probably save you some grief to do it now."
A whole lot of others just jumped in offer their best vibrator suggestions, which was awfully nice of them.
Because I'm sure inquiring minds want to know (but don't want to read the whole thread), the top favorites were the Womanizer, the Satisfyer, and the Hitachi. (You're welcome in advance, and godspeed to you.)
But overall, the best advice of all was the simplest one: Just communicate.
"Ask questions, explore, ask for feedback," wrote one user. "This is an opportunity for you to grow, together. Don't hang on to the 'she lied to me' mentality. The fact she faked was quite possibly for your enjoyment. She wanted you to feel good. I don't think she did it to hurt you."
I couldn't agree more.
Look, I get the whole argument that women should feel less pressure to "perform" in the bedroom and way less shame when we don't orgasm. That's all good and definitely true. But us "fakers" aren't performing some operatic performance in bed because we're trying to pull off some elaborate scheme. Most of the time, we really are into it. And sometimes, we get vocal about that. Men need to realize that our bodies and our sexual needs are different, and the pressure to orgasm every single time just isn't realistic (sorry, dudes).
So ask us what we like, try new things, and don't read into whether we "O" or we don't. As long as everyone's having fun and enjoying themselves, it's all good.
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