For many women, an engagement ring isn't just a symbol of their partner's love — it's also something they want to feel proud to wear — something that's a reflection of their personal style. But what if your partner did everything right, from listening to your likes and dislikes, doing all the research, and shelling out the big bucks, and still wound up getting an engagement ring you just weren't into? A woman in the anonymous forum Netmums sure feels your pain — she recently shared a similar tale in a since-deleted post, expecting to get some sympathy. Instead, people are calling her selfish and entitled.
The poster got engaged about three months ago, but the first thing she thought when she opened the box was how "small" it was.
The groom-to-be popped the question on a recent vacation, and his future wife said she tried very hard to change her mind about the bauble in the days that followed. But even though she said the ring is "lovely," it's not what she wanted.
"It's a platinum, round brilliant cut solitaire 0.8 carat," she shared. "He had it made from a reputable firm and it cost just shy of £5k [about $6,400 USD]."
"I know — this sounds awful," she continued. "But for that money surely I shouldn’t be feeling this way? It still wasn't quite what I wanted."
To make matters even more awkward, her fiancé has no idea.
"My poor fiancé thinks I’m staring at it because I am SO in love with it," she explained.
But that couldn't be further from the truth.
"I have done so much research, I constantly stare at other people’s rings and still look in shop windows and I can’t help but feel a 0.8 ct (nearly a whole carat!) should look a bit bigger," she wrote. "He even told me when he collected it he too thought it looked small."
The poster added that her fiancé knew full well that her friends had engagement rings around 0.6 to 0.7 carats.
"He said he wanted me to have a 'better' ring to be proud and show off," she said, "[but] mine look tiny compared to my friends rings, it makes no sense. What’s not helping is the setting is very low so it’s quite flat to my hand … "
She was quick to clarify that she's not at all snobbish when it comes to these things, but … there's just something about it she can't quite shake.
"I’m not a shallow or fickle person I promise," she said. "I’m working class and love my fiancé with all my heart — but I’m struggling to get past this and being soul destroyingly honest in the hope someone can give me some good advice."
To be fair to the poster, she did try to (gently) tell her fiancé that she didn't like the ring. But it didn't exactly go over well.
"I broached it with him the other day and he got annoyed, saying he got me what I wanted," she explained. "It’s a beautiful ring and I shouldn’t be so ungrateful as it’s making him feel bad."
But now she's wondering … is that it?
"[Do] I live with a ring forever I’m not that mad about or do I talk to him about it again?" she asked the ladies of Netmums.
Commenters were honest -- and a lot of people thought the poster was acting pretty spoiled.
"I would try and appreciate the fact he bought you a beautiful engagement ring and you love each other," one commenter wrote. "It obviously concerns you a great deal — if you weren’t shallow it wouldn’t."
Another didn't exactly mince words.
"You are spoilt and ungrateful and you have come to the internet in the hope that you will find support in validating your ungrateful selfish attitude," the person spat. "Do you not realize how much your attitude would upset your fiancé he SPENT A STUPID AMOUNT of money on a ring and you are moaning as it’s not big enough and you don’t like it."
Yikes.
A third person wasn't that much kinder:
"You sound extremely ungrateful. It's a myth about how much should be spent on a ring and that money could have been spent on a mortgage, deposit etc etc. So be grateful. Don't act like such a stuck up spoilt so and so and either split up or love the ring as much as the person it came from but don't moan about it. Personally I think it's a waste of £5k."
However, plenty of others sided with the bride-to-be. She should get the ring that she really wants -- after all, she's wearing it forever!
"I don't blame you, you can't help feeling disappointed if it's not exactly what you expected/fantasized about," one person wrote.
"Also, you will hopefully be wearing it forever so it needs to be right," the person continued. "Can you take it back and get something else or has the return period expired? if you can't, then I would suggest that you have it reset as the setting will make a huge difference."
Another person had to agree. "I know all the people giving you a hard time about the size of the diamond and that, like it doesn't bother me and I get where they are coming from, but I also get it from your point of view because i know how I would feel having to live with something i wasn't keen on."
"I’m a bit confused," a third person chimed in. "Your fiancé says you got what you asked for, but it doesn’t sound like you had anything to do with the ring buying/making process. If I were you, I’d take it to a jeweler (preferably the one that made it) and see if there’s anything they can do. Your fiancé is bound to feel a bit hurt, but he’ll get over it eventually."
Later in the thread, the poster tried to explain herself to all the haters.
"I fully agree it represents love and the fact he’s asked me to be his wife — and I absolutely can’t wait to marry him," she began. "This really is just down to personal taste. If I spent £5k on a watch that I wanted him to wear every day and deep down he wasn’t keen I would feel awful. I would want him to wear something he loves and I would feel better knowing I’ve spent the money on something he can cherish and adore, not look at and secretly wish it was something else."
That makes perfect sense to us. Still, any way you slice it, she's sure landed herself in an uncomfortable predicament. Here's hoping she winds up with a ring she loves (and her fiance isn't too miffed about the whole thing).
