No matter how much you plan and prepare, weddings are bound to be filled with "oops" moments. Chalk it up to the universe laughing at how much pressure we put on ourselves to get every detail right. Sure, it can be amusing to look back on the missteps and possibly even tease your loved ones about them. But depending on the misstep, and how the person feels about it, you might be rubbing salt in a lasting wound. That seems to be the case for a Redditor who wrote that she continually teases her husband about forgetting to mention her in his wedding speech.
In the Am I the A--hole subreddit, the original poster noted that she and her spouse have been married for over 10 years.
"We had our wedding in my home country, although at the time we were both living in the U.S.," she explained. "In my home country, there are certain customs that people follow in the wedding speeches. A couple of weeks before the wedding, my dad gave my husband a book of examples detailing the customs to help him write his wedding speech."
The groom is encouraged to thank people and compliment the bridesmaids.
The wife noted that this was "sort of a big deal" for her husband to get right.
"He did the thanking part perfectly," she recalled. "Got everything right, it all went very smoothly. However, he forgot, in his speech, to mention me AT ALL. The book did not tell him to compliment the bride, say how much he loves her and so forth. That was taken as given — the groom should want to do that regardless."
The OP claimed that "for the most part," she doesn't care about the slip-up. Instead, she thinks "it's funny."
"But he regrets it — both because it represents an imperfection in his speech (he went on to become a professor and teach public speaking among other things) and partly because he hates to have let me down (maybe?)," she wrote.
And yet, she admitted that she will "take every opportunity to poke fun at him." She constantly reminds him that he didn't pay her "a single public compliment" at their wedding. "He hates that I do this," she wrote. "But he didn't mention me in his wedding speech! Am I the a–hole, should I stop?"
She then turned it over to the rest of the community to weigh in.
Overwhelmingly, Redditors agreed that the OP has been acting like a passive-aggressive jerk since her wedding day.
One commenter wrote: "Yeah, OP says she doesn't care and thinks it's funny, but she hasn't let it go for 10 YEARS. This is some real passive aggressive BS. My ex used to do this to me, 'What? It's just a joke, can't I joke around with my girlfriend? I'm just teasing you.' It's not the only reason I dumped him, but it's one of the first things I mention when people ask me why we broke up. Forgive him and let it go, or continue to be an [expletive], your choice, OP."
Another noted: "It's something that really bothers him, so you keep poking at him? You don't care, but you take every opportunity to make him feel bad about it? Yikes."
"You are purposefully hurting someone you love because he tried very, very hard to follow a custom he was not familiar with to make you happy," a third wrote. "How in the world do you think that causing him intentional sorrow is funny."
Thankfully, it looks like the OP got the hint.
After being read the riot act by her fellow Redditors, the OP edited her post to — again, somewhat passive-aggressively — admit that she might have been wrong. "Thanks, everyone," she wrote. "A lot of you guys took this a lot more seriously than we do, but that was because of my phrasing I think. But I totally accept my judgment. I'm the [expletive], I'll stop."
Here's hoping she also does some deep, honest self-reflection on how she really feels, given that she hasn't managed to drop the issue in a decade.
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