DNA tests can reveal a wealth of information. Some companies can pinpoint the countries associated with your ancestry, some can reveal what illnesses members of your family may have a greater chance of getting. And DNA tests can also link you to people you may not have even known shared your genes.
But sometimes, that is more information than you may be ready to handle. That was the case for one couple in Utah, who learned that their second son was fathered by another man.
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The couple's son, Tim, wasn't listed as one of his dad's relatives.
In 2019, Donna Johnson and her husband Vanner decided to take 23andMe DNA tests, The Guardian reported. They hoped their genes could provide insight about their heritage and any potential health problems.
The kits were on sale for half price, so Donna decided to buy four kits, two additional ones for their sons. She sold the idea as a “fun family activity.” Their sons, Vanner Jr. 14, and Tim, 11, obliged. But what the kits revealed was anything but fun.
The results, which arrived on Donna and Vanner’s 16th wedding anniversary, didn’t include Tim in Vanner’s familial matches.
“I thought, huh, that’s interesting,” he said. He tried to rationalize the results away but they bothered him all day. When Donna got home, naturally, both of her sons were listed as matches. But Vanner Jr. and Tim were described as “half-brothers,” Donna as his mother, and his father “unknown.” Vanner and Tim were not biologically related.
“I felt like I wanted to scream,” Vanner says. “How could his father be unknown? I’m his father. I’ve been his father since he was born.” That’s when the two realized that something went wrong, either with the DNA test or with the IVF procedure the couple had used to conceive Tim. Vanner Sr. told the UK TV show, This Morning, that he only ever entertained the idea of his wife cheating on him as a “joke.” It was the IVF.
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They traced the issue back to their infertility journey.
After having their first son, the couple tried to conceive for 18 months, without success. After initially attributing it to Donna, doctors realized that Vanner’s hernia surgeries had caused a block in his sperm duct. The couple wouldn’t be able to conceive without assistance.
That help came from the Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine, a practice that specialized in male infertility. After a couple of bumps in the road — including a three-month delay — the second IVF cycle worked and Tim was born in 2008.
After a year, they decided to tell Tim.
For a year, the couple kept the results to themselves. Thankfully, the boys forgot about taking the test. “We didn’t want our family to change at all, and we felt like this could change our family. So we were very quiet. Yet it bothered us,” Donna said. “There were times I felt like the anxiety would consume me.”
Then, during the pandemic, the family was locked down together and Vanner and Donna realized they needed to be honest. “We couldn’t tell him when he’s graduating, when he goes to college, when he’s getting married,” Vanner says. “The longer we held off, if he found out — which is possible in today’s world — he would think we’d hidden it, and we didn’t want that. We wanted to have control of telling him.”
'It doesn't matter, you're still my dad,' Tim told Vanner.
When Tim was 12, Vanner took him out for ice cream to deliver the news. He reminded Tim that he had been conceived through IVF, a known fact in the family. Then he continued, “‘Well, we found out that somehow, when we were there, something happened.’ In my mind, I can’t use the word ‘mistake,’ so I said, ‘Something happened, somehow something got mixed up, and it turns out I’m not your biological dad.’”
Tim, who was on his phone, looked up for a moment and said, “It doesn’t matter. You’re still my dad.” Vanner said. “‘I’m so thankful to hear you say that, buddy, because that’s how I feel, too.’ I didn’t know what it looked like from his perspective — that’ll be his story to tell — but it was a sweet moment. I thought, wow, he is wise beyond his years.”
The two families were able to form a real bond with one another.
The Johnsons didn’t immediately contact their fertility clinic. They were unsure of Tim’s legal status and didn’t want his biological father to be able to claim paternity. A lawyer assured them that he was legally theirs. Eventually, Tim was curious about his biological father.
The Johnsons arranged for him to take another DNA test, which led them to a “close relative” on AncestryDNA. With some expert sleuthing, Donna was able to discover that the relative listed on the website was Tim’s aunt. She dug through obituaries and looked for the term “survived by” with the woman’s name attached. She eventually found the women’s father — Tim’s biological grandfather — with the names of his other children listed. That led them to Devin McNeil. In an old blog, McNeil wrote about his fertility struggles with his wife Kelly and the ultimate birth of their son Talon, who was the same age as Tim.
After some uncomfortable conversations and confirmed details, they were able to determine that Devin was the father of Tim and Talon.
The families get along well and have been able to establish a relationship with one another, including a picnic in the park where Tim felt a real connection to the siblings on his biological dad’s side. The Johnsons and the McNeils reached an undisclosed settlement with clinic.
