There's a really easy way to not be a dick about other people's bodies: don't talk about other people's bodies.
Even when your comments are laced with a compliment, just don't. Because that is called a backhanded compliment, and it is just as painful as an insult.
You see, the thing about a backhanded compliment is that it catches the person on the receiving end off guard — often so much so that they end up smiling, or even thanking the person, for the thinly veiled jab. And then that's all they can think about all day: how they should have responded to that rude, uncalled for backhanded compliment.
Here are some of the worst offenders…
"You have such a pretty face."
This compliment showed up the most when I asked my curvy friends what they are tired of hearing. My response: Is your vision OK? Have you seen the rest of me? 'Cause I slay.
"I wish I had the confidence you do, to wear that."
Because any normal person wouldn't have the balls to put a tight dress on a fat body? No bitch. I look good 'cause I'm working it.
"I usually don't date big girls, but you are so pretty."
Woohoo. You decided to lower your standards for this pretty face. If I get another Tinder message like this I'm deleting the app.
"That outfit is so slimming!"
Ma'am, I weigh the same as I did when I put this dress on. Don't play yourself.
In the gym: "Working out on the floor must be less painful."
This one insinuates that all fat people are made out of sponge. Just because I have back rolls doesn't mean doing sit-ups or push-ups are less painful.
"That hairstyle shapes your face so well."
Why, BECAUSE MY FACE IS ROUND? I AM AWARE OF THAT FACT.
"You look so good. Have you lost weight?"
Some people will never understand that beauty is not measured by size. You just have to thank them and move on.
"You don't eat much for a big girl."
Not all big girls can scarf down a full pizza pie. That's a personal talent. Respect.
"You must be good in bed."
Dear male species: If you think this is flirting, it's time you re-learn how to flirt. This bullshit comment plays into the belief that fat girls work harder during sex to overcompensate for not being thin. I've heard it several times.
"Wow, I wish I could let myself go like that."
Um, I didn't "let myself go." That's just my body. And no one appreciates that condescending tone, fam.
"You're so brave."
If I go snorkeling with sharks or bungee-jumping off cliffs, call me brave. But calling me brave for just existing in my body? That's patronizing, condescending, and just plain rude.
"You'd be so pretty if you just lost some weight!"
This isn't even a compliment! Are you saying my beauty is "hiding" because of my weight? Or that I'll finally achieve ~being pretty~ if I lost weight? My size doesn't compromise my beauty, so GTFO.
"You look SO pretty on Instagram."
Why is this only ever said to plus-size girls? Is it because I know my angles, or because you see me through a filter?
"Well, at least your boobs are big!"
What do you mean, "at least?"
"OMG, that outfit really hides your stomach/arm jiggle/thunder thighs."
Why do people assume we want to hide a part of our bodies? We're wearing something oversized because we feel like it, not because we want to make sure no one's offended by our love handles.
"Wow, you're just so confident."
If they're referring to me asking for a raise or talking to my crush, sure, I'm confident. But if they're referring to my body — well, why shouldn't I be confident? Why is my confidence a surprise?
"You're SO cute!"
While this compliment is totally cool to use once in a while, it gets old real quick when "cute" is the only positive descriptor anyone can use around you. Plus-size women are more than just "cute" — they're beautiful, strong, stunning, and a million other things, too. Don't let "cute" be the only thing you see when you try to compliment us.
In closing: We do not need anyone's approval. Our bodies are no one's business but ours. Let me know if I missed any tired backhanded compliments in the comments!
