Just because you break up doesn't mean you have to hate your ex, right? There are many reasons relationships don't last, but sometimes you have to remain in each other's lives. That is certainly the case when you are in a co-parenting situation. If you want it to be successful, there has to be open communication. Sometimes, even without the romantic part, the friendship still exists, which can often make things easier for everyone involved.
But what happens when you find new love? Should you abandon that friendship? A soon-to-be groom wants to know if it's OK that he invited his ex-wife to his wedding. They're close friends, after all. Oh, and she's the mother of his child. What's the big deal? Well, his fiancé is against it and enlisted her mom to throw a fit over it. He took to Reddit's AITA forum to see if he was wrong for wanting his ex at the wedding.
The original couple got married very young.
OP, now 32, and his ex-wife, Cindy, got married when they were teenagers because she was pregnant and they were from religious families. They believed it was the right thing at the time, but it was the wrong decision. They stayed together for a few years but got a divorce when it made sense financially. They are no longer in love, but they remain friends.
"Some of it was for the sake of our child, but honestly we don't just tolerate each other for the sake the kid (teenager now, insane), we're genuinely close friends, and have been for as long as I've known my now fiancée (30F), which is a bit over four years now," he explained.
OP's fiancée and Cindy get along fine.
OP's fiancée and Cindy are around each other a lot. Cindy is always there when something involves their child, and she is also invited when OP does things with his high school friends. Cindy and OP's fiancée get along fine — so much so, in fact, that OP thought it would be no big deal if he invited Cindy to the nuptials.
"So, it felt only natural to invite Cindy to our wedding. She's my friend, and the mother of my child. My fiancée, however, doesn't seem to agree. She didn't say anything when I added her to the guest list initially, but made a lot of comments over the past week or so about how it was a bit weird to invite my ex-wife, wasn't it," he wrote.
The bride-to-be doesn't like this idea.
OP shared that having Cindy there is no big deal. She is a platonic friend, and that is all there is to it. Plus, the invitations have already been sent, and he's not going to back out of it now. That would undoubtedly make him a huge jerk.
He thought his fiancée was OK with it until he heard from his future mother-in-law.
The MIL wants him to revoke the invitation.
OP's MIL sent him a long message about how having a "past love" at the wedding is inappropriate and uncalled for. She wants him to "please let her know the invite has been revoked."
Yikes!
OP thinks this is ridiculous, and his friends are on his side. But he wonders if they are just biased and he is out of line. The wedding is only a few weeks from now, so he needs some help, STAT.
According to some Redditors, inviting the ex is innocent.
They were married and had a kid. They have a lot of history, but they are not in love. Some people think that OP's fiancée is just looking for trouble.
"NTA – i don't understand why your fiance has a problem with your ex now, when she's seen the two of you have remained friends. Getting her mother involved was extremely immature and would have put me off completely. As others pointed out this would make me very wary of how your fiance really feels about your daughter as well," one person wrote. "Is this a sign of, cut your ex out, push daughter off to college and only see her on holidays? There is no way you should get married without sitting down with a therapist and getting all this hashed out."
"She should have said something sooner," someone else suggested. "If she was so uncomfortable maybe not dated someone who has a child with an ex who they're [on] great terms with. She needs to be more confident instead of worry about your ex."
Others think OP crossed a line.
So what if his fiancée and Cindy get along? Does that constitute an invite to the wedding?
"You just assumed she liked Cindy, without ever actually asking her," one Redditor pointed out. "Your wedding is meant to be about the start of both your lives together as one, inviting your ex when you didn't even ask your fiancé how she feels about it is a very, very bad look. (Even if you did ask in passing, she's clearly uncomfortable with it now."
From someone who has been there, the advice was to stay away from the ex.
"YTA. I see a lot of N T A votes, but I've actually been in this situation myself and have to disagree," the person commented. "My ex-husband and I have a genuinely close platonic friendship and talk regularly, and both of our current SOs support that. But we did NOT invite each other to our second weddings (we are both remarried now) because it is uncomfortable and a little disrespectful to our new partners. Your wedding is about you and your fiancée. You both should be 100% comfortable with who is present."
Some people thought OP should tread carefully and wondered if she was more than just an ex.
One person even thought that it went deeper than just an invite, writing, "You are clearly in love with your ex. Why are you marrying this woman [if] you have absolutely zero consideration for her feelings. Do her a favour and don't marry her. She would be better off without a husband like you."
Another echoed that thought and told OP he better be careful with what he says.
"You can stop with 'she is my close friend and I love her' stuff. That never goes over well with a wife," the person wrote. "Your ex shouldn't be THAT close. Stick with the 'we parent well together' line of thought. Next you will be saying that you tell her everything and can't imagine your life without your best friend. She is your ex-wife and mother of your child and remember to draw a line after that or it will make issues in your marriage."
OP clearly has some thinking to do.
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