Allowing our kids to test their abilities is something all parents do. We want to let our kids push themselves to the limits of their boundaries and figure out for themselves what feels safe and what doesnât. By giving them the space to explore, weâre giving them autonomy and letting them learn to trust themselves. That being said, sometimes we as parents misjudge their abilities, putting them in situations that might go beyond what feels safe. But thatâs a part of growing up.
One dad allowed his daughter to test her own physical boundaries, and when things got a little out of hand, his wife had an extreme reaction. In response, he took to Reddit to seek advice from other parents.
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It all started with a fun day at the beach.
Posting in the r/Parenting community on Reddit, the dad shared the story of a recent beach day he had with his 3-year-old daughter and wife.
âAfter a while my daughter asked if she could jump from the bathing dock into the water. My wife asked if it was safe and I responded that I would hold her hands (she also had inflatable arm bands as she can't swim). We have jumped multiple times like this from rocks and edges onto the ground, where my daughter would adjust the speed of impact by adjusting the force she put into my hands," he wrote.
"We tested a jump just at the edge of the beach where the water was 2 dm deep (8 inches). I stood in the water, holding my daughters hands and she jumped from the plastic dock, laughing, and my wife watching from a distance. My daughter shouted happily deeper, deeper, so we went to 3 dm depth, then 4 dm and finally 5 dm (half her length).
"When my daughter jumped this time, she didn't reduce the speed like she did previous times, resulting in a fairly hard landing on her feet unto the sand floor of the ocean. She started crying saying she hurt her back,â he wrote.
His wife immediately got involved.
His post continued: âWhen my wife heard the crying she came rushing, screaming at me that I was a bad father, that I should not have let our daughter get hurt and that I exposed our daughter to too much danger. 'A 3,5yo should not jump into the water from a bathing dock'. I was flabbergasted, as she had not asked me to stop prior to the accident and I saw no real danger in letting our daughter jump into the water at a sand beach.
"However, I am open minded. So I want to ask here: was I in the wrong to let our daughter jump from the bathing dock? Am I a bad father, exposing my daughter to too much danger? Any feedback would be highly appreciated," he added.
He concluded with this PS: "My daughter was back on her feet a couple of minutes later, having an awesome rest of the day.â
Lots of commenters thought his wifeâs reaction was extreme.
âYour wife overreacted for sure. You are NOT a bad father and that comment was over the top and completely unnecessary,â one person wrote.
Another commenter replied, âAgree, throwing shots at your character warrants a serious conversation between the two of you. Partners should never speak to each other this way.â
âYour wife way over reacted and should never have said that. She owes you a huge apology, that was an awful thing to say,â someone else wrote.
âI think your wife needs to chill a bit. Live and learn for all involved," yet another person chimed in.
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Many people were concerned about the use of arm floaties.
After the dad mentioned that his daughter was wearing arm floaties because she couldnât swim, many people commented to let him know that he should get her a different floatation device, such as this person.
âI would suggest changing from armbands to a swim trainer, life vest, or something similar. Inflatable arm band are dangerous because children can drown with their arms above the water, they do not have the strength to pull themselves back up and the bands can slide down to their wrists,â the person wrote. âAlso floatation devices in general can make kids over confident. And also from personal memory they flipping hurt to put on .â
There was a lot of reassurance that what he did wasnât wrong.
âAllowing your daughter to play and experience things in a safe environment, even though she could still get hurt, is the best thing you can do for her as a father period," one person commented. "What is your wife gunna do when she is learning to ride a bike and crashes or if she's running on the sidewalk and trips or if she is playing at the playground and gets hurt?â
âKids get hurt and we are learning to be parents at the same time. I think it's really crap for her to call you a bad dad because you made an error," someone else shared. "I'm sure you felt awful enough that the kid got hurt without some added name calling thrown at you.â