We all know that modern families come in all shapes and sizes. There are mom/dad/kids combos, single moms, and family units that include multiple sets of parents and step-parents. Every year in the United States, more than half a million marriages end in divorce, which means there are a lot of parents learning the ropes of how to co-parent. It can be tricky to navigate those waters, especially when the normal school year routines end.
Divorce attorney Nicole Sodoma, who recently went through a divorce herself, is an expert on amicable separations and positive co-parenting — and she's the author of the new book Please Don't Say You're Sorry.
Nicole spoke to CafeMom to share her best advice on how to successfully co-parent during the summertime, which is a season where things like camps, vacations, and child care issues can cause fresh conflict for parents who haven't planned ahead. As Nicole shares, summer is "usually an opportunity for extended periods of parenting time," which can be fun, but can also raise tough questions about how to pay for things, how to plan for summer activities, and how to avoid creating drama for the innocent kids involved.
Plan Ahead
For parents who want to minimize conflict and drama during the summer, one of the best things they can do, according to Nicole, is to plan to meet to discuss summer plans in advance, especially if it might be necessary to change normal visitation schedules to accommodate summer activities. Nicole explains that parents should "Mark your calendar to review your order or agreement every year on the same day with ample time to address it before you start booking that long-awaited vacation with your kids."
Share Information
Another key piece of advice for successful co-parenting in the summer is to make sure that parents are sharing information with each other when it comes to travel plans. According to Nicole, "Providing the proper notice, information, etc. will become paramount" when one parent is traveling with the kids, especially if that travel involves having to adjust usual custody arrangements. "Does the vacation rental run from Saturday to Saturday but your exchanges are on Sundays? My advice is to review your agreement or order carefully and set low expectations with yourself if your case is high conflict," explains Nicole.
Parents should also plan far in advance if they are considering international travel. As Nicole explains, "There are specific rules about international travel if you have not gotten your child’s passport. Once you do have the passport(s), identify who will keep them and how to retrieve them in the event there is a dispute. One parent could conceivably create hurdles to that lifelong trip you had planned to Europe for your daughter’s sweet 16," so it is crucial to have conversations and agreements in place well in advance.
The Costs of Co-Parenting in the Summer
We all know that summer can be an expensive time to be a parent. From trying to find child care to paying for all those fun summer camp add-ons, the expenses can add up quickly. Nicole notes the importance of parental communication about the financial aspects of co-parenting in the summer.
For some families, the extra expenses of summer "may or may not be outlined in your support terms" so parents should "review your agreement or order carefully," says Nicole. "It may be that the person who signed up for the activity pays or that the person whose parenting time is affected will pay — because it is a child expense for that parent at the time they are in that parent’s care." Nicole also explains that parents should review their reimbursement process with each other when one parent incurs new or shareable costs.
The Bottom Line
The good news is that if both parents are committed to putting the needs of their kid first, it is possible to navigate the tricky waters of summertime successfully, even if a divorce or separation is recent.
According to Nicole, the most important key for both newly separated parents and those who've been co-parenting for years is to "Plan ahead. Plan ahead. Plan ahead." With some planning, some communication, and a determination to "not involve your child in the dispute," it is possible to figure out how everyone can have a happy summer!
