Friendships can get really sticky — especially when you see your friend’s partner cheating or having an affair. For one woman who wrote into the Dear Prudence advice column, the situation is further complicated by the fact that her friend is terminally sick and dying — and she’s the other woman.
As the Letter Writer explained, she’s a creative freelancer who frequently uses texting to communicate with clients.
Early in her career she became friends with a woman “I completely adored,” she wrote in a letter from 2019 that’s bubbled up again.
“We spent a lot of time together before having children and our lives drifted apart, but we stayed in touch through social media,” she continued.
A few years ago, however, things took a strange turn.
“Her husband began contacting me through texts under the ruse of a professional project but quickly turned the conversation to sexually explicit suggestions,” the LW wrote. “I was extremely uncomfortable as I’ve always felt a deep friendship-type love for his wife and wanted nothing to do with his nasty suggestions.”
The LW didn’t mention anything because she didn’t want to start trouble.
She merely laughed off his advances and told him that he could only text to her for work-related business.
“I wish I had told him to eat s—, and then forwarded the texts to his wife,” she wrote.
The problem is that his wife has reached out because she has been diagnosed with “untreatable cancer” and wanted to spend more time together with the LW before it was too late.
“I feel I shouldn’t mention the horrible texts from her husband a few years ago but am now wracked with guilt for having not said something previously,” she admitted. “This is something I should keep to myself, right? Unless she brings up other misdeeds her husband has fessed up to in the meantime?”
The comments section was unanimous: The LW should just keep things quiet.
"I'm sorry about your friend. No, don't tell her. Just focus on the time you have left. You obviously are special to each other, if you are a priority to her during what could be her last year," one commenter wrote.
"LW1 probably didn't have to see her friend's lecherous spouse much at all. I bet he was already trolling for a replacement wife at that point," another commenter chimed in.
Columnist Danny M. Lavery had to agree; telling her friend would do nothing to make the situation better.
As much as it would hurt the LW, Lavery explained that her instinct was probably right.
"If she’s only got a year to live and she doesn’t mention any problems in her marriage, then I don’t think it would do her any good to know now," he wrote. "Focus on spending as much quality time with your friend as you can."
