For so many parents, the moment their child entered the world is one of the happiest of their lives. There are not really any words we can use to paint a picture of how amazing this moment is after getting through pregnancy, labor or a surgery, and seeing the little one's face in person for the first time. It's one we never forget. But for one new mom, the moment was ruined by her husband who came at her hard.
A new mom took to Reddit to get advice on a situation that has her all upset and her husband mad at her for being angry.
Sharing with Reddit's AITA community, a new mom shared a little backstory on the fight she's having with her husband. "I (24f) gave birth to my daughter six months ago and it should've been the happiest moment in my life," she said.
"When my daughter was born her skin was very dark and looked like she could have two biological parents who were of African descendent," she explained. "My husband Jim (26m), fake name, was furious and accused me of cheating and left right then and there," she said.
As if walking out wasn't bad enough for her, he made it worse.
"He told everyone on both sides of the family what happened, made posts on social media and wanted a divorce," she said. "His family and a lot of our friend all called to say how upset they were at me and called me really nasty names. My mother was by my side the entire time and I kept professing my innocence."
Her husband still didn't make it easy on her and didn't give her any time to hear from her.
"Jim refused to pick me up from the hospital, threw my stuff out on the lawn and changed the locks, so I had to stay with my parents," she said. "When my sister called to ask for the baby stuff Jim texted me pictures of the bare nursery room and said he got rid of everything."
Her husband got rid of everything for the baby, and some of his wife's stuff, too.
"He even destroyed my Art studio, I like to paint, and the art I made and told me my work would be too awful to sell," she said. "I was distraught and tried to focus on my baby."
"Weeks went by and Jim refused to speak to me directly and has never once asked about our child," she said. "Eventually he agreed to do a paternity and he was 100% the father. No one could believe the results and it was done again, Jim's the dad," OP shared.
"Around that same time one of Jim's cousins did the Ancestry thing and there was around 30% of African ancestry in the family. This combined with the test Jim paternal great-grandmother admitted to having an affair around the time Jim's grandfather was born and was because he could pass she just assumed her husband was the father," OP said.
Since the paternity test, Jim has been trying to reach out to his wife to apologize.
"Since then Jim has been reaching out and everyone has come to apologize, and while it did feel good to feel vindicated the damage has been done," she explained. "I can't un-hear or unsee all the horrible things that was said and done. Not just to me but to my child as well. Jim made some very racist remarks. Things that I thought he'd never say and he did it so easily," she shared.
Adding, "Regardless of what our daughter looks like I don't want her to be around that. What else will Jim and his family say or do the next time they get mad? How are they going to treat our daughter when she does something that upsets them?"
The mom admitted she doesn't feel this is fixable, but Jim has been persistent.
"Jim has been begging for forgiveness," OP explained. "I said I needed time, he asked to see the baby and I let him but I'm too afraid to physically hand her to him. He's repairing the the nursery and keeps asking me what I would like and I cry every time saying we already had what I liked and some of the items that we had can't be replaced," she said.
OP told him she wasn't sure she could be with someone who acted the way he did, and she's not interested in couples therapy, and admitted, "I don't feel like I should have to work to fix something that I didn't break. I've never cheated and have been 100% innocent in all of this the whole time."
She asked the community if she was in the wrong "for not wanting to give Jim a second chance," and they gave their thoughts.
"NTA," one person wrote. Adding, "When people show you their true colors, believe them. Regardless of who was right or wrong – he handled the situation horribly. If he really loved you – or was a good person…he would have just asked for a paternity test from the beginning. Instead he destroyed your things, etc. This makes it very clear how he and his family will react to situations. I'd stay away and not forgive him. Good luck :)"
"If I was OP I would have filed for divorce the minute the paternity tests results were in," replied another Reddit user. "Not only did her husband accuse her of cheating, he illegally kicked her out, making her homeless with a newborn, destroyed the nursery, said all kinds of racist things, and told his family and they got in on abusing her too."
"It wasn’t a moment of anger – it was a sustained, calculated campaign of abuse and cruelty, including recruiting others to terrorise and harass her," warned one person. "He says those racist things about your daughter. He made you and your daughter homeless. What will he do the next time he decides you’re cheating on him? Please don’t stay with this garbage man."
"NTA," someone else replied. "Oh my lord I am so sorry this happened to you… please put the safety and well-being of yourself and child first. I truly don’t think you should give this man a second chance.. he showed you his true colors and they are ugly and terrifying."
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