Last year we all spent a lot of time inside the house — and some of us had to get creative with all that down time. Some of us took up baking, others took up crafts, and still other people started more personal hobbies. Enter one poor man on Reddit whose experiments during all that “me time” ended in disaster after a sex toy he bought for himself gave him an infection — and what’s worse, landed him in surgery.
Although lockdown was tough for all of us, it was harder for some than others.
Namely, the Original Poster of a recent post on Reddit's Today I F—ed Up forum, who admitted his major flub happened over a course of several months.
“COVID lockdown has been very hard on me in the sexual department,” he wrote in his post. “I'm a male and I had never considered anything beyond my hand for self pleasure, but these hardships had me looking for something more spicy.”
Enter the “Riley Reid fleshlight.”
The toy was shipped to the OP in an anonymous box “and I was as excited as could be,” he wrote.
The toy arrived, and right away the OP got down to, ahem, business.
“Together with some water-based lube I experienced a very new sensation, leaving me more than satisfied with the new purchase,” he wrote in his very detailed post.
There was only one downside: “the cleanup.”
Normally all he really needs is a tissue or paper towel.
But his fleshlight requires a little more maintenance.
“If you aren't familiar with them, they are basically long hollow silicone tubes, with all sorts of textures inside making cleaning up a bit of a task,” he explained. After doing a little research (and realizing that he didn’t have any rubbing alcohol as was suggested), he ultimately decided to use a little water “to really get any nasty things out there.”
“I let the tap flow through it for minutes, I close up both ends to fill it with water and then shake violently, and use my fingers to clean the inside,” he explained.
He used the same technique each time he used his “pleasure pipe,” and he really believed he was cleaning it well.
That is until a month after he got his toy when “I notice my foreskin has become somewhat tight.” At first he thought nothing of it, so he decided to wait and “see how it develops.”
“Over time, the tightness only becomes worse, making it move beyond a certain threshold harder and harder,” he continued. “It is at this point I realize I have been improperly cleaning the fake vag, consequently giving me an STD. I start sweating.”
The OP eventually made an appointment with his doctor, who thankfully didn’t ask how he got in his condition.
“Because I am definitely not going tell them my Johnson has been the victim of a partial copy of this famous porn actress,” the OP continued.
He was prescribed a cream and told to apply it twice a day.
“If it does not work after a month, I need to come back,” he wrote.
He already knew what could possibly happen if the cream didn’t work from some internet research he did.
“There are only two treatments for this condition: 1) a cream, and if that fails 2) a circumcision,” he wrote.
The OP wasn’t circumcised and “I was not liking the idea of the reduced sensation that comes with this modification.”
“I scrub in that cream for weeks, hoping for the best while whispering my foreskin sweet things to help its healing process,” he wrote. “Though I see an improvement, it is far from enough and I begin to fear the worst.”
When the OP went back to his doctor, he got “the bad news.”
“I have since gone to the hospital, leaving behind my dear foreskin as I left,” he wrote, prompting the OP to offer this one key piece of advice: “please clean Riley Reid's southern crevice.”
We all know people online had thoughts about this one.
"Ok never heard of giving yourself an STD. Was probably just an abrasion. Doc should have given more time and options. Sucks for you," wrote one commenter.
"Oof, pour one out for our fallen brother," another commenter joked.
"Improperly cleaning a fleshlight won't cause tight foreskin/phimosis," a third commenter explained. "Phimosis also does not occur out of nowhere over a couple of months. Also just flushing water from the tap though the fleshlight will clean it properly, you just need to put it back in the tube after and leave it open to air dry.
"So if this isn't made up, something else cause[d] the issue," the same person continued. "You might have had tight foreskin already, and using the fleshlight causes small tears that formed scars and made it a tighten more. But that will take more than a few months."
Later in the thread, the OP shared that many people were asking him about "sensation" after getting the circumcision.
"I'm even getting private messages from parents asking me for advice?!" he wrote. "It's a little early for such answers, but I do have advice for all you parents and future parents: Don't let Riley Reis have your son's foreskin chopped [in half]."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
