Many people are fiercely protective of their families, and rightly so. They are extremely important parts of our lives and we want them to be happy, safe, and respected. But when a mother has to choose between siding with her child and her own sibling, loyalties can be tested, and feelings can get hurt.
A mom posted in Reddit's AITA Forum for feedback on a sticky situation in her home. Her brother with disabilities recently moved in with her family after their mother died from cancer. At first, things seemed OK, but the original poster caught her 20-year-old daughter making a derogatory comment about her uncle, and it hurt.
OP ended up telling her daughter to leave the house. The daughter doesn't understand why her mom is upset, but OP is having difficulty moving on. Is she an a–hole for telling her daughter to go?
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Before their mother died, the family agreed that OP's brother would move in with her.
She and her brother, L, are best friends. She changed the whole layout of her home to accommodate him, and life was great. Or so she thought. Her daughter, B, always acted like she and her uncle were good friends. But OP overheard B say something she couldn't believe.
"Two nights ago B came home late from a party with her friend. I always stay up when B is out to make sure she got home OK," she wrote in her post. "I heard her come into the house with her friend and I heard B say 'we need to be quiet so we don't wake my r slur uncle up'. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. Me and my husband have never raised our kids to say such things."
She told B and her friend to leave.
B was apparently shocked that her mother heard her but acted like it was no big deal when confronted. It was a huge deal to OP, and when B wouldn't apologize, she told her daughter and her friend to go stay at her friend's house. She wants her daughter to come home but thinks she needs to say she's sorry first.
"I called B yesterday, hoping she understood how out of line she was, she didn't. She was unhappy that I took L's side over hers. I told her to come home so we could discuss this properly but she refused," she explained. "I have been in touch with her friend and B is still staying with her, so at least she's safe."
She's not coming back, and OP is OK with it. Her husband thinks she was too harsh. But what did Redditors have to say?
Some Redditors were on OP's side.
They believed that she was justified to defend her brother and that B calling her uncle a slur was not OK.
"Daughter was horrible to someone she supposedly loves and has fun with regularly. I would've done the same thing, probably forced her to write an apology letter," someone wrote. "It deeply concerns me that she doesn't see what the problem is. The disabled victim seems to have stood up for your daughter which makes this all the more heartbreaking."
Plenty of others agreed.
"Twenty is old enough to know that's not an OK thing to call someone, let alone referring to a loved one with a disability," another person wrote. "It's also old enough to find her own accommodations if she can't give the occupants of your house basic human respect."
"NTA for defending your brother. Good for you," another Redditor shared. "She's 20 not 14. She's more than old enough to know better."
A few people, however, thought OP shouldn't have reacted the way she did.
One woman understood her plight but thought she was in the wrong. "YTA. I say this as an older sister of someone with Down's syndrome. You do not kick out your daughter for something she said, especially at night," the person wrote. "Was it OK for her to say that? Absolutely not. Do you need to have a convo with her and get to the real root of the issue? Yes. Your reaction was over the top."
"She should not have referred to him like that, but you don't seem to have it in you to empathize with her," another Redditor wrote. "Given the way you behaved when you heard this, I have no doubt she thinks you love him more than her."
"Holy over-reaction, Batman, YTA. 100% right in theory and 100% wrong in execution. Wow," someone else wrote.
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Family is family, and choosing sides can be tricky.
The Reddit community was torn on this one. People in the forum get that OP loves her brother, but her daughter is her daughter, and some people thought she needs to forgive her. Many more, however, think the girl was out of line and needs to apologize.
OP, this is a tough one. Hopefully, you and your family can agree that everyone in the house deserves love and respect and that name-calling is out of the question.
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