By now, you may have noticed an insidious disorder taking over the various Kardashian-Jenners: they are incapable of wearing coats correctly.
Sometimes they slouch them about their hands like wrist-warmers. Sometimes they slide them off their shoulders and grip them around their stomachs like a Muppet-skin stole. Sometimes I can't even identify what they're doing with their outerwear
And if Instagram is any indication, this "unwearing" of coats has become a genuine trend. So I decided to try improperly wearing four of my favorite coats to see just how awesome — and practical — this look really is. This is a midi-length nightgown that I bought from Target in a cold medicine haze. It's the most bodycon thing I own, so naturally it was the perfect thing in which to channel my inner Kardashian. Shoved down to elbows, artfully rumpled. Got it. This is my favorite leather jacket, btw. If you're Khloe, you can probably just get one of your assistants or makeup artists to reapply your tasteful nude gloss — everyone else is out of luck. Hey, sometimes you're wearing a bedazzled rhinestone naked dress and your forearms get cold, OK? I'm dangling seductively out of the oversized denim jacket from Khloe's denim line ($265, Good American). Wonder if Kylizzle will share some of her glam squad to help me wrangle my own head. Probably not. Here's the Imagined Styling Checklist for this looqe: – Pull jacket completely off shoulders. Got it? Good. Let's unwear some shit. First: This track jacket was the only vaguely athleisure coat I own. Sorry, I know I should really go to the gym. Second: look at how elegantly it's sliding down my back! That was an accident of very shiny fabric! Finally: I'm gonna come clean — this technically isn't my jacket. I borrowed it from one of my closest friends about eight years ago and kinda… never gave it back. Sorry that this is how you learn what happened to your coat, AJ. OH. HELL. NO. FASHION IS CANCELLED. KYLIE IS CANCELLED. SHUT IT DOWN. This is the "1970s woodshop teacher by day, luxury velour catburglar by night" look. This coat is about 150 years old. It used to be my mother's, and it was (I think) her great-aunt's before that. There's something very old Hollywood about letting a fur slide off your shoulders; this just feels RIGHT. (Unrelated: This coat is proof that people used to be TINY. The sleeves on this hit me between wrist and elbow. By my great-great aunt's standards, I'm an unfathomable giant.) I couldn't move my arms properly. I couldn't loop the strap over my head. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to cover it. Hey, fashion is suffering. Until I can afford my own squad of Instagram-famous lackeys to worry about my life for me, I guess I'll just wear coats on my body the traditional way.
To properly get into the Kardashian fashion spirit, one needs the right base outfit. And that means it has to be TIGHT.
I began by looking to Khloe to see how she unwears a leather jacket, my favorite item of clothing ever.
So I attempted the same styling with my own coat — and immediately felt 20% cooler.
Unfortunately, unwearing one's jacket like this means that you can't move your arms — so reapplying lipstick becomes impossible.
Next, I tried unwearing a trendy denim jacket like Kylie.
I casually draped a jean jacket from our fashion closet around my midsection, and immediately felt like a ~cool girl~
But once again, simple tasks — like pulling my hair up — became impossible while unwearing a coat.
I turned once again to Kylie, reigning queen of wearing coats incorrectly, for how to style an athleisure-inspired look.
– Hold it around your stomach.
– Make sure you can see the branding on the sleeve.
I put on an Adidas track jacket and immediately pulled it half-off for an authentically unworn Kardashian experience.
While this was the easiest coat to unwear the hell out of, it left me unable to drink my coffee.
Finally, I turned once again to Koko to see how to half-wear a fluffy fur coat.
So I pulled an antique fur out of storage and unwore it like the Kardashadjacent style star I so obviously want to be.
It wasn't until I tried to carry my bag while unwearing this coat that things unravelled.
LESSON: You really can't dramatically drape a coat if you also have to carry a purse. You need a full retinue of assistants and hangers-on to carry your stuff for you.
