We think it goes without saying, but relationships are messy. That includes the relationship between one man on Reddit and the mother of his brother’s baby. The two have been getting very close ever since she moved in with him, and now he's wondering if there's something more. “I have a crush on her,” he admitted in his post on the r/relationship forum.
It all started when the Original Poster’s brother dated his now-ex.
As the OP explained, his brother D— and his baby mama F— dated for about three months before he got her pregnant.
“D— freaked out and ended it with her bc she didn’t wanna get an abortion,” he wrote. F—’s family kicked her out after learning about the baby, and things weren’t any better when she went to the OP and D—’s parents.
They “basically told her to f— off,” he recalled.
The OP just happened to be at their house when it happened, and he heard the whole thing.
He offered F— his guest room and told her she could stay there as long as she needed.
“Since then we have spent a lot of time together and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl who is now a little over a-year-old,” he wrote.
“More recently I’ve been finding myself trying to spend as much time with her as I can. She just makes me happy and little things have been changing like the other night we both were watching a show on the couch and she put her head on my lap and I found myself staring at her.”
Recently, they were sitting on the couch and “she made me lay on her lap so she could play with my hair.”
The OP can’t stop thinking about F—. And at this point, it’s become obvious what's going on on his end.
“Those are just a couple of examples but long story short I think I’m starting to have a crush(?) on her,” he wrote.
“I don’t really know how to approach this or if I should at all,” he added. “It all feels more complicated than it should [be] especially since she’s the mother of my brother's child. I’m really unsure of how to proceed and would love some [advice].”
The comments section was split: Some people thought he should go for it.
"Well, normally I'd say stay the hell away from your brother's baby mama, but it sounds like your brother and your parents are pretty s—-y people. So f— all of them and what they might think. And good for you for stepping in to help take care of your niece," wrote one person.
"Don't listen to the nay-sayers, if she makes you happy, do what feels right," someone else agreed. "But — if you do come onto her at all, be very, very clear that you are in no way expectant of anything, and that if she chose not to reciprocate, her position/safety would not be at jeopardy."
"There's no way that this isn't going to cause drama. But, whatever, there's already drama," another commenter pointed out, adding this:
"Her being your brother's baby mama is the most immediate source of drama, but that will likely blow over pretty quickly. My biggest worry is just that she's only 20 and this is a period of growth and change. It sounds like she also has feelings for you, and if the two of you pursued things, it might work out. But it easily might not, and if it doesn't, then she could lose her place to stay and the one source of stability in her life."
Other people thought he should proceed with caution.
"What's her job situation? How far along until she's able to live on her own? I'd say don't do anything until she's much more financially independent. The power dynamic you currently have over her won't bode well if you date now. Once she's more independent, then shoot your shot," one commenter argued.
"Okay, a few things. The age gap is concerning. She was a teenager when you met her, right? That creates an uneven power dynamic," someone else added. "She's a new mom with a bunch of crazy hormones, not a good position for her to be making decisions in. She's reliant on you for support, this creates an uneven power dynamic. If you want to be responsible, wait for her to be living on her own & financially independent and THEN make a move, otherwise you're being exploitative."
"You two need to sit down and talk this out," another commenter suggested. "Flirting and playing house may be fun but you two need to make sure you’re [on] the same page. Make sure you have some similar values. As far as your family (including your brother) they have no say in this. They literally told a homeless pregnant woman to f— off."
After reading through the comments, the OP agreed that taking things slow was probably for the best.
"Will definitely start trying to get a feeling of if she’s able to/ready to move out!" he wrote later in the thread. "I definitely wouldn’t want to make her feel like she can’t say no."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
